How Experiencing Mind-Blowing Casual Sex May Have Ruined Me For Relationships Altogether

I didn’t think I was capable of having casual sex — that is until I met someone who fulfilled my sexual needs in every aspect but failed miserably at satisfying me emotionally. It was a no-brainer — I was only in it for the sex comparable to what you see in sex online and I loved it. After we parted ways, I began to seek no strings attached situations regularly, and while it was great getting laid at my convenience, I’m pretty sure it’s ruined me for actual relationships.

  1. I like sexual fulfillment without all the emotional baggage. I used to believe that in order to have sex, I needed to have some kind of emotional connection to my partner. That notion makes me laugh a little now that I’m older and a bit more “seasoned.” There was a sick type of comfort I found in not being emotionally responsible for someone who served the sole purpose of just satisfying my sexual urges. Because of this, I’ve lost interest in relationships. Why would I put myself at risk of being hurt again and damaging someone else when I can just have great sex without that responsibility on my shoulders?
  2. Sex has become a drug. When done right, sex is an amazing thing. It’s hard to find that one person you “click” with emotionally, sure, but it’s the same in the sack. There are things that are awkward to bring up — like, how do you bring up the fact that you like to be gently choked without it sounding a bit weird? It’s much easier to bring up with someone you don’t have to see anymore once the deed is done, and I became addicted to the freedom of that feeling. THAT’S what I keep chasing rather than a potential boyfriend/relationship.
  3. I’m a closet freak and not all guys can handle it. I started experimenting in every aspect of my sex life. To my amazement, there was an exhilaration in being objectified in bed. Since there were no attachments, it became clear that things could get as crazy as I wanted them to get without there being any repercussions in terms of how the guy looked at me afterward. It was harmless, crazy, erotic sex with zero accountability.
  4. I like being able to keep my options open. Once upon a time, I was a total prude. I was the typical “I’m saving myself for marriage” type of girl, but clearly, that didn’t happen. I’m not too ashamed to admit that I love being able to keep my options open about who I sleep with and when. Despite being a serial monogamist in the past, I know that being in a committed relationship means you stick with one person through thick and thin, but let’s face it — one person can only offer up so much. Relationships end up being extremely predictable, stagnant, boring and unfulfilling. No thanks.
  5. I prefer instant gratification. Don’t get me wrong — I loved being a loyal partner when I was in a relationship, but now that I’m single, I have a lot more leeway to satisfy my needs. Not being tied down to one person has allowed me to explore all kinds of sex with all kinds of men. Depending on my mood and their availability, I could easily reach out if an urge were to strike and immediately, sex would be there. Being in a relationship always held some kind of burden when it came to this. It was never so simple in my committed relationships.
  6. I feel like getting into a relationship would make me too vanilla. Not that there’s anything wrong with enjoying the basics, but now that I’ve experienced some of the more pleasurable extremes of sex, I can’t imagine going back to being vanilla. It’s just sad — really sad. In my opinion, sex is such an amazing experience that it should never become too routine. Allowing myself to have mind-blowing sex without attachment may have screwed me in more ways than I thought — I have a complex that if I were to get into a relationship again, I’d fall back into that boring gray area and I’d really rather not.
  7. I’m pretty sure guys would judge me for my past. I’ve done some not so socially acceptable things in bed. I won’t go into vivid detail, but I’ll own up to that much. I don’t plan on staying single and promiscuous forever, but the thought of possibly getting into a relationship in the future gives me crazy anxiety. It’s not the fact that I don’t think I can commit because I know I can with ease for the “right one.” However, there’s the thought in my head that once things get serious, the truth will come out about all of this and it won’t go over too well.
  8. It’s easier and more fun to be selfish. My track record for relationships isn’t the best. Looking back, I now see that every romantic situation, I always put my partners’ needs first. I would give more than I would take and I chose to just go with the flow until one of us reached our breaking point and decided to end it. Since then, I’ve decided to stay single for a while, and casual dating led to casual sex. For the sake of taking care of my “needs,” I mastered the ability to have sex without getting attached. This has blown up in my face a few times with guys who wanted a committed, monogamous relationship and I had to have some awkward conversations explaining why I didn’t want the same. The answer all boils down to the same thing: I’m being selfish right now and that’s just how I like it.
27. San Diego. Single Mother.

Definitely more liberal & chill, but I have no filter. I have no problem addressing the taboo, or stating what everyone is thinking, but too shy or ashamed to say. It's my endeavor to address issues that women want to be talked about in a candid, light, funny, but relevant way.