My Ex’s Constant Farting Led To Our Breakup

I don’t mean to fart-shame my ex here, but I just couldn’t handle how much he loved doing it in front of me all the time. It was smelly, gross, and killed our intimacy. I don’t want the guy I’m dating to let rip too much in our relationship.

  1. Some things should remain private. Like doing a number two and popping pimples. I have a list of things I just don’t want to do around other people or have them do around me, and farting is on it. I’m not saying letting rip once in a while is bad—hey, everyone farts—but my ex was passing gas in front of me daily and it got to be too much.
  2. His farts were gross, smelly, and totally off-putting. Farts are nasty. They smell bad and they destroy the indoor air. Why would I want to breathe that in? Sometimes my ex would even fart over dinner when I was trying to enjoy a meal. Thanks for ruining that, a-hole.
  3. There’s such a thing as being TOO comfortable. It’s good to feel relaxed around your partner, but being so comfortable with your partner that you stop making any effort to impress them isn’t a good thing. I wanted him to drop his guard but I didn’t want him to totally let himself or his farts go. It makes me feel like he just doesn’t care about my opinions of him anymore.
  4. He thought it was funny. My ex thought farting in front of me was hilarious. I kept telling him it was disgusting but he didn’t care. He was a grown man with the sense of humor of a 5-year-old and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
  5. The more I said it was gross, the more he did it. It was like he’d go out of his way to find the worst times and places to fart. For instance, he’d fart in bed all the time, and not even when he was asleep. Then he’d burst out laughing. Meanwhile, I’d have to leave the room to avoid the stench.
  6. His reasoning for doing it all the time was bogus. One day, he told me that he farted because he wanted to be comfortable in the relationship. He wanted to let rip and not have to feel bad about it. That’s great, but he didn’t understand how uncomfortable it was making me. I just didn’t like it and wasn’t going to feel bad about that. There’s a place for farting and it’s in the bathroom without your girlfriend present!
  7. I wanted to go back to more mysterious times. I sometimes wished we could go back to the start of our relationship when we’d had more mystery, back when he wouldn’t fart on dates and we could just hold onto some of that feeling of newness. Instead, things had become stale thanks to his inability not to hold in his farts around me.
  8. Yes, I get that farting can be healthy, but I started to think something was wrong with him. I totally think that farting in front of your partner can be a sign that you’re entering a higher level of intimacy, but people aren’t supposed to be gassy all the damn time! It’s natural to pass gas occasionally, but he seemed to have it constantly and I wondered if there was something wrong with his health because of it.
  9. It was hard on the romance. Honestly, it was hard to keep the romance going when he was farting all the time. I just felt disgusted and frustrated all the time rather than in love. Also, part of me feared that one day he’d fart during sex. I wouldn’t have been surprised, frankly.
  10. I lost my attraction to him in the end. I sound really petty here, but I stopped finding him so attractive. Sure, the guy had always been handsome to me, but now things had changed. I used to always want to touch and kiss him, but once he got into his farting phase, I just felt repulsed. I felt like I knew TMI about his nasty toilet habits and they were changing my perception of him. I just didn’t want to get up close and personal with him anymore. I guess farting is a deal breaker for me.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.