Fairytales Don’t Exist — These Expectations For Love Are Way More Realistic

Prancing through life with a fairy tale attitude towards guys and love is bound to leave you disappointed. Love between people in the real world is far from picture perfect. Having realistic expectations about guys and love doesn’t make you a jaded failure in dating and relationships — it just makes you a logical human who expects normal things.

  1. You will make mistakes. You’re going to mess up, and so will your significant other sometimes. It’s inevitable. But making some small mistakes doesn’t mean that you’re bad people — it just means you’re normal human beings. Everyone screws up. It’s up to you to forgive, apologize, and make sure you don’t repeat those mistakes. Your relationship depends on that.
  2. Appearance matters. How you present yourself is really important. You don’t have to be dressed to the nines every day, but putting some effort into your appearance and walking with your head held high can make a world of difference in your love life. Different guys like different things, but none of them will have any objections to a confident girl taking care of herself.
  3. You’ll argue with your significant other. Arguments don’t have to be loud, nasty catastrophes — it IS possible to fight fairly, and most adults can handle that. You and your partner might make a great couple, but you’re still two different people. You’re going to have some disagreements every now and then, and that’s to be expected.
  4. Men and women are equally capable of being jerks. Jerks know no gender. Some people just suck, and many of them don’t have full awareness of their own behavior. That lack of awareness can be absolutely devastating to a relationship. When both parties think they’re innocent and refuse to acknowledge or fix their errors, a terrible outcome is a realistic expectation to have. If you behave like an jerk, expect to be treated like one.
  5. Divorce is very real and it can happen to you. Not every marriage is “forever.” Thousands of couples get divorced every year. That doesn’t mean you should go into marriage expecting failure, but you should be aware that marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re set for life. Relationships can and will crumble regardless of marital status. If you and your partner start hating each other and don’t try to fix it, a piece of paper won’t save you.
  6. Not every guy you like will like you back. Unrequited love sucks, but that’s life. Sometimes, the guy you’re crushing on just won’t feel that super special spark with you. That doesn’t make him a mean jerk, and it doesn’t make you an unlovable blob. You might be amazing, but you won’t be a compatible match for everyone. That’s okay. There’s a huge spectrum of qualities that guys like, and there’s someone out there who will love the ones you have to offer.
  7. Love takes work. Anticipating some work in regards to love is a very realistic expectation to have. There are a lot of bumps in the road to finding a stable relationship. Once you’ve found one, more bumps will still appear. Even if you love each other to pieces, you’ll still encounter change during the course of your relationship. Handling that together and staying in love requires some work. You can’t sit back and ignore change while desperately hoping that your relationship will survive. It’s up to the two of you to grow together instead of apart.
  8. Most men expect you to have your act together. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll find a guy who will happily pay off your debt and cover your rent. Those things are your responsibility. If you insist on dating a guy who has a job, a car, and his own place, it’s totally fair for a guy to expect the same things of you. A girl who can stand on her own always makes a better partner than one who expects others to pay her way through life. You have to pull your own weight in a relationship.
  9. Your partner won’t be able to read your mind. When you’ve been together for a long time, your partner can anticipate your needs to a certain extent, but he isn’t psychic. If something is bothering you, you need to tell him. Holding a grudge against him for something you never even brought up in the first place is stupid. A buttload of relationship issues are easily fixed when both partners actually communicate with each other.
  10. Alone time is going to happen. Both you and your partner will occasionally want to spend a few hours or a night apart. That doesn’t mean your relationship is dysfunctional. Taking some time for yourselves to recharge and regroup is a good thing. The two of you might be ridiculously compatible and annoyingly cute, but alone time is still a realistic expectation to have.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at Inside.com. While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.