How To Fall Head Over Heels Without Sacrificing Your Independence

How To Fall Head Over Heels Without Sacrificing Your Independence ©iStock/Gilaxia

For some reason, love and independence are usually considered to be two totally different things. Society seems to think that when you’re in love, you can’t possibly be your own person and you’re going to be all about the object of your affection. In reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s totally possible to fall for someone and still do what you want. Here’s how to fall head over heels without sacrificing your independence:

  1. Schedule everything. If you want to maintain your usual lifestyle when you’ve fallen for someone, it’s all about the scheduling. When it comes to your workouts, your hobbies, and your friends, you want to make sure that you’re making time for the people and things that you adore. Your boyfriend will be more supportive than you probably expect, because he wants his own life, too.
  2. Be imperfect. It’s hard enough to live your life – and it’s even harder to merge your life with someone else’s. The key here is to forget all about perfection. Sometimes, you’ll miss a yoga class because your boyfriend invited you to a friend’s birthday party and other times you’ll tell him you can’t hang out because you have to work.
  3. Don’t give anything up. You were single forever (or, OK, maybe it only felt like forever) and you learned how to do everything yourself. You did what you wanted, when you wanted and that was all well and good, but now you’ve actually got a boyfriend. You’ve got a super full life and every week you run, do yoga, try to cook, work full-time, freelance, babysit, and try to be there for your BFFs. It’s a lot, but just because you have a BF now doesn’t mean you have to forget who you are and what you love. It’s tempting to forgo a hobby for him but you shouldn’t.
  4. Follow your dreams with him by your side. If you have something that you’ve been dying to do, you’re probably on your way because, after all, it’s 2016 and it’s that time. Why not involve your boyfriend? That way you can spend time with him without sacrificing your dreams. He can help brainstorm ideas or talk things over and you’ll have much more fun than going it alone.
  5. Reframe how you feel. Sure, you’re falling for this guy and everything feels magical and the world is all rose-coloured right now. That’s a good thing. You should stop thinking of falling in love and needing someone as weak and start reframing how you feel. If you can enjoy the emotions and how amazing it feels to finally have someone in your life, you’ll never lose your independent spirit.
  6. Take a step back. It’s so easy to fall into the stereotype of being a needy girlfriend – texting too much, freaking out when he doesn’t answer his cell, etc. As long as you stay cool, calm and collected and try not to worry about anything that’s not life or death, you’ll keep your sense of self intact.
  7. See your friends even more. You know there’s nothing worse than ditching your friends for your boyfriend and that couldn’t be more true. If you’re worried that you’re going to become too dependent on him, then make sure you’re scheduling girl time a few times a week. Those nights out are fun and add something special to your life, and you never want to fracture those bonds.
  8. Go it alone. So you got invited to a birthday party or an art gallery opening? You can totally head there alone. Sure, bring your BF along sometimes but it doesn’t hurt to do some things on your own (even if it’s only to remind yourself that you were a person before him).
  9. Plan some girls’ getaways. There’s really nothing more fun than going on vacation with your best friends, even if it’s just an overnight to the next town over. This is a great way to be independent while still having fun and being around other people, too.
  10. Speak your mind. Sometimes your boyfriend might get annoyed, frustrated or hurt that it seems like you’re choosing your work or friends over him. Make sure he knows that’s not the case at all. Tell him that your “me time” is really important to you and that you wouldn’t ask him to give up his, either. That should settle things down and make sure that you’re both maintaining your identities. Now you can have the best of both worlds.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.