Falling In Love Excites Me, But It Also Scares The Hell Out Of Me

Falling in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. You feel like you’re on cloud nine, you’re so mesmerized by every little thing your partner says and does, and you really feel like you’ve finally found your happily ever after. Being in love is something I fantasize about, but finding it and going through all the ups and downs that come along with it is something I absolutely dread. Here’s why:

  1. I’m Still Learning More About Myself. I can’t possibly give my heart to someone if I’m still trying to figure out who the hell I am. As I go through this journey of rediscovering the real me, I have to put love on the backburner. I know that if I were to enter into a relationship today, it would halt all the progress I’ve made of my own self-discovery, and I’m just not in the right place to be in love when I still feel like I need to grow as a person.
  2. I’m Afraid of Losing Myself. I know all too well what happens to me when I’m head over heels in love. I completely lose myself in the relationship; and I turn into a co-dependent, nagging, clingy mess. I basically morph into everything I don’t want to be.
  3. Love Makes Me Feel Vulnerable. Willingly falling in loves means I’ll put my heart in another person’s hands, and they have the ability to crush it at any given time without notice. This makes me feel scared, vulnerable, and paranoid. In the back of my mind, I worry that caring so much and loving so hard will only leave me getting hurt, and I don’t think my heart can handle it right now.
  4. I Haven’t Conquered My Fear of Intimacy. I can date around like a boss, but when it comes to really getting close to someone mentally, physically and emotionally, I might as well just run for the hills. When a relationship starts to get more serious, I’m the girl who throws a monkey wrench into the situation just to screw things up on purpose. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve self-sabotaged a relationship due to my fears of allowing someone to get close to me.
  5. I’m Not Willing to Change My Life. I’ve been single for so long that I’m actually starting to love being alone. I can go wherever I want, eat whatever I feel like eating and date whoever I want to date. I don’t have to check in with anyone and I don’t feel pressured to return calls. I love the fact that I can live life on my own terms and I don’t have to answer to anyone. I dread falling in love because I know it will change my life in ways that I’m not ready to deal with.
  6. I Don’t Want to Give Up My Interests. As much as I try to keep up my own hobbies, falling in love usually causes me to ditch all the things that interest me. I don’t want to be so gaga over a guy that I stop attending my Wednesday night art classes, and I don’t want to feel so enamored with someone that I’d rather stay home with them than to attend my weekly wine nights with the girls.
  7. I Need to Be Selfish for Once. This is my time to do me. I’ve always put my relationships first, but this time around, love can wait. There’s so much I want to do, and sadly, falling in love will only hold me back. A lasting and healthy relationship can’t exist if I’m too focused on doing things that only make me happy.
  8. I Don’t Want to Get My Heart Broken…Again. As much as I want to fall in love again, I don’t want to deal with the emotions that come along with falling out of love. Let’s face it, most relationships come to an end. No matter how good they start out, no matter how many promises we make, someone’s bound to fall out of love at some point. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of another heartbroken, I’m still healing the wounds from my last relationship that ended in a pile of crap.
  9. I’m Not Over My Ex. I’m over my last relationship, but I’m still not over my ex. He hurt me in ways that still pain me to this day. Falling in love again will only stir up old feelings, bring out emotions that I haven’t properly dealt with, and this makes me cautious about giving my heart to someone again. I subconsciously think every guy will end up just like my ex. Why would I knowingly set myself up to get hurt once again?
  10. What If He Doesn’t Love Me Back? Unrequited love is real, and it’s one of the most hurtful feelings in the world. I don’t want my self-esteem to take a beating if I fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me. I can deal with rejection, but I can’t deal with the resentment I’ll likely feel if I give my all to someone who’s not giving me the same in return.
An avid internet surfer with a passion for writing.