Falling In Love Turns Me Into A Version Of Myself I Can’t Stand

I’m really proud of the person I am today but that changes when I fall in love. The independent, take-no-crap person I’ve worked so hard to become gets replaced by someone that the single version of myself would hate to be around and I don’t know how to stop it from happening.

  1. I’m way more anxious. I’m a ridiculously chill person but the second I start really falling for someone, all my cool goes out the window. I start worrying about every single “what if” that pops into my head: What if they’re cheating on me? What if they ghost me? What if the reason they’re not answering my texts is because they’re dead in a ditch somewhere? I totally come off as the Crazy Girl, and it’s not healthy for either person involved.
  2. I center my life around someone else. Single-me is as independent as it gets. I don’t let anyone stand in the way of my goals, and I have tunnel vision for the things I want. But when I fall in love, it’s disturbingly easy for me to lose sight of those things. Suddenly I start making ridiculous sacrifices for my partner, whether that’s rearranging my sleep schedule or spending way too much money on them. I know some sacrifices are required in any relationship, but I always fall into the role of giver way too quickly.
  3. I get needy. When I’m just casually chatting with someone, I don’t care if they take an eon to reply to my text or can’t hang out for a couple weeks; when I’m in love, all of that changes. I want the person around 24/7 and get genuinely upset if they leave me on read or don’t devote enough attention to me. I’m that stereotypical clingy girlfriend, and it needs to stop.
  4. I become more “domestic.” Look, I’m a fully functional adult no matter what my relationship status is — I cook, clean, and make sure that my living space is comfortable for myself and whoever else comes to visit. However, when I’m crazy about someone, I go into full-on housewife mode. Suddenly I get the intense urge to have that person’s babies and tend to their every need. I’m not overly nurturing when I’m single and I generally don’t have any pressing need to get pregnant, but that all changes when I’m in love.
  5. I overanalyze everything. When I’m single, an emoji is just an emoji. When I’m in love, an emoji is how I determine whether or not my partner secretly hates me. Heaven help me if they sound a little tired on the phone — it clearly means they’re mere minutes away from breaking up with me. My brain gets so far ahead of me when I’m head over heels for someone that I can’t use logic to rein it in.
  6. I put up with too much BS. Yes, everyone puts up with their partner’s flaws when they’re in a relationship, but my problem is that I tolerate things that my single self would immediately walk away from. I draw a hard line at some things, like cheating, but I’ve honestly amazed myself at how much disrespect or lack of effort I’ve been willing to deal with in relationships just because of how much I loved someone.
  7. I move too quickly. Twice I’ve moved in with someone after dating them for less than a year. And don’t get me started on how many times I’ve pushed people to make things official way too fast. I preach about the importance of taking things slow when I’m single or casually dating someone, but when I fall in love, it’s like a switch flips in my brain and I convince myself that this person is my soulmate.
  8. I follow my heart instead of my head. This is my biggest problem, honestly. I’m smart and I make good choices when I’m not hyperfocused on the person I’m dating, but when I fall for them, I’m screwed. My heart completely takes over, and suddenly all my decisions revolve around them. I need to figure out how to strike a balance, or else I might completely lose myself over one person.
  9. I jump to conclusions. Any relationship has conflict and problems, and when I just like someone, I can tackle those problems with a rational mindset. When I’m in love, though, everything happens at opposite ends of a spectrum — tiny actions convince me that we’re either getting married or breaking up, and there’s no in-between. Logically, I know that an argument over what to eat for dinner likely doesn’t spell out the end of our relationship, but I can’t always remember that when I’m really into someone.
  10. I can’t fix my own problems. I’m naturally a practical person and I can usually figure out a plan to solve any issues I have with my own personality. However, when it comes to this stuff, I’m lost. Half the time I don’t even realize I’m acting this way until I’m either out of the relationship or it starts causing problems with my partner. I wish I could change, but I really don’t know how.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.