I love my boyfriend, I really do, but I can’t seem to keep my attention on him when we’re having sex. My mind wanders constantly and I kinda feel guilty about it because no matter how hard I try to stay in the moment, I end up thinking about everything BUT him when we’re intimate. Here are just a few of the things that cross my mind:
- Other men. These men don’t even exist in real life. They’re just random, generic men and for some reason, they’re more exciting than my boyfriend. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re technically strangers in my mind that’s hot to me, or maybe since I don’t know them, I don’t have to be afraid of them judging me and I can really let go. Either way, I’m literally pretending he’s a stranger and I’m starting to think that it’s unhealthy.
- When it’s going to be over. This could be due to boredom. Actually, I’m almost certain that it is. I can’t help but fantasize about all of the things I’m gonna do after the deed is done. It’s not that I don’t like sex, it’s just that I could be doing other things like eating snacks, watching Netflix or working on a project. I think I either need to work on my attention span or make sex more exciting.
- My ex. I know this is really bad to do, but I know I’m not the only one who does it. I can’t help but compare my current boyfriend to my ex, especially when it comes to sexual skills. What am I gonna do, pretend he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with? It’s not that I wish I was with my ex, I just think about him from time to time, including while I’m getting down and dirty — and my boyfriend has no idea.
- What his roommate must be thinking. I know I shouldn’t be so self-conscious, but I have no idea how much of our sex act my boyfriend’s roommate can hear and it pulls me out of the moment quite often. Does he feel like I’m invading his space? I mean, when I hear people having sex in the next room, I get annoyed AF, especially if I’m alone. If I’m getting annoyed, then you can’t really blame me for thinking about the roommate instead of my boyfriend, right?
- My body. This is a big one. When I should be chill, free and in the moment, I’m actually in my head thinking about how fat I must look right now. I know that guys always say that they aren’t thinking about that, but with our society nailing us left and right with impossible beauty ideals, it’s pretty much a permanent part of the female psyche. We can’t just turn it off, me included.
- Messed up fantasies. I’m into some really weird stuff — and I mean really weird. This thing is, though, I haven’t told my boyfriend yet. He thinks that I’m okay with vanilla-style sex when I’m really into rough play. I like getting tied up, being watched, dirty talk, you know — all that fun stuff. I guess until I buck up the courage to tell him, I’m just gonna play it out in my head.
- The neighbors. I actually don’t mind if I’m being heard by the neighbors. In fact, I think it’s kinda hot that other people can hear us having sex. I think I just feel guilty that thinking about these “mystery people” on the other side of the wall gets me hotter than thinking about my actual boyfriend. I should be more turned on by him, right?
- Leo. My one and only Leo DiCaprio. He was my first celebrity crush and is still to this day my fantasy celebrity sex partner. Every now and then my mind will wander to Leo in Titanic making out with Kate Winslet and it’s just so… it just gets to me. I think it’s normal to fantasize about celebrities, and it’s actually kinda fun. However, I don’t think I should be thinking about him the entire time.
- How weird sex is. Sex is weird AF. It’s two people rubbing their most sensitive areas of their body against each other to relieve stress. I’m laughing even as I write this. It’s so weird! Sometimes I’ll start thinking of sex so logically and completely ruin the mood for myself. It’s so funny to me, but maybe I should wait until after to think about it weirdly to myself.
- My personal hygiene. I get so paranoid that I smell bad down there, and I think most girls can relate. I hear that vaginas are supposed to have a musky smell, but how can I be sure that he knows that too? What if he’s just too shy to say something about it and all this time I’ve actually had a smelly vag? Do you see how these thoughts start to snowball? I can’t help but be paranoid about it, especially if I didn’t shower right before. No matter how much I scrub my lady parts, I still think “what if” and it totally takes me out of the moment.
