Opinion: F*cking Is Great, But Making Love Is So Much Better

I’ve had a lot of sex in the last 13 years, some with serious boyfriends and some with casual flings. While sex itself is almost always enjoyable, there are undeniable differences between fun casual sex and its serious relationship counterpart: making love. Having experienced both, I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoy making love so much more than just having sex. Here’s why:

  1. I like knowing that my partner really cares about me. When I had sex with guys I was dating casually or friends with benefits, I always had a nagging thought in the back of my mind that he was just there to get laid and didn’t really care about me. I tried to power through it and play the role of the enlightened modern woman who was OK with that, but it bothered me. The sex felt empty to me without love; it was fun for a half hour but ultimately left me feeling sad and used.
  2. Having a deep emotional connection makes it amazing. Making love is so much better than random sex because I can lock eyes with my boyfriend and see how tenderly he looks at me, hear him whisper in the dark that he loves me, and feel so connected in that magical moment. It reminds me that we have something special, something we’ve both been searching for our whole lives. For me (and all the other hopeless romantics out there), it doesn’t get better than that.
  3. I like being able to trust my partner. Sex comes with inherent risks, and it was always nerve-wracking to me when I felt like the guy in my bed didn’t necessarily have my best interests in mind. When I’m making love, I have peace of mind because I’m with a man who has earned my trust and we both know that neither of us is giving ourselves to anyone else.
  4. I love knowing that he’d be there for me if unplanned circumstances arose. Being careful and using protection is always wise, but no method is 100% foolproof. In the ambiguous world of casual sex, I always found that it was taboo to talk about such things, but serious relationships are different. I love the fact that we’ve talked about the risks involved, and I know I won’t be left alone if our birth control methods fail.
  5. Making love isn’t selfish. Casual sex can be selfish sometimes. In my experience, I didn’t feel like my orgasm was prioritized as much when I was with someone casual. Lovemaking, on the other hand, makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world who matters. Knowing that my man tries hard to please me every single time is absolutely priceless.
  6. Making love is romantic, and romance is the best aphrodisiac. I’m a Pisces and a hopeless romantic by nature, so sex that’s purely physical isn’t as good for me. Making love is so romantic, and that makes it amazing.
  7. He knows what I like, so there aren’t any guessing games. I always hated the uncertainty of being with someone relatively new, someone who didn’t know which buttons to push in order to please me. Making love within a monogamous relationship is so much better because there aren’t any guessing games. We know how to please each other, and it just gets better every single time.
  8. I love that he’s all mine. When I was casually dating, it always bothered me knowing that the guy in question could be seeing and sleeping with several other women. I don’t like to share, and now I don’t have to. Making love is special because I know he’s not sharing this experience with anyone but me.
Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible. You can find her on Instagram @mrsyonkdogmom or on her Facebook page.