For Strong Women, Falling In Love Can Be Terrifying

For Strong Women, Falling In Love Can Be Terrifying ©iStock/AleksandarNakic

Falling in love can be one of the most amazing experiences, but if you’re a strong and independent woman, it can also be scary AF. Here’s why:

  1. You fear you’ll lose yourself. Love can be intoxicating. It can pull you towards the guy you’re with to such an extent that you move away from yourself. There’s always the risk that you’ll neglect your needs, wants and life — that’s why you have to take the relationship slowly and regularly take stock of your life so you don’t get wrapped up in the romance to such a degree that everything else disappears. This gives you the chance to enjoy the experience without compromising who you are.
  2. You fear not having time for your own separate life. Finding love can cause most of your spare time to go to your relationship. The result is that you might feel anxious at the idea of not having enough time to do your own thing and pursue your passions. It’s important to have some balance here. Let the guy know from the start that you need a certain amount of time for what sets your soul on fire.
  3. You fear depending on someone. If you’ve taken care of yourself for a long time, it’s scary to think that now you’ll have to let a partner look after you to some degree… or at least allow him to be your soft place to fall sometimes. But this is a good thing — it prevents you from becoming too hard or having to carry all your burdens on your own. That’s not strength — that’s a recipe for burnout and loneliness. One of the great things about relationships is that both parties can support each other.
  4. You fear your issues will come to light. Falling in love with someone will shine a light on issues you’re dealing with, such as a fear of trust or commitment. But these really don’t have to hold you back. Being open with your partner about what you’re feeling can help to reduce your anxiety. Dealing with your issues is a great opportunity for growth and will help you face your demons.
  5. Love can be uncertain, which you fear will screw with your head. You’re so used to being in control of things, but love is not something you can control by any means. This makes it scary because you don’t know what’s going to happen, but sometimes that’s what makes it so delicious. Just know that if it doesn’t work out the way you hoped, you’re strong enough to deal — what’s made you so strong up until now is knowing how to handle stuff that comes your way. Hell yeah!
  6. You fear being seen as weak. By falling in love and opening yourself up to potential heartache and rejection, there’s always the fear that others will see you as weak or fragile. Vulnerability can be a good thing, though. It doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it takes a lot of strength to open yourself up to love, and the payoff is worth it because you’ll either have an amazing experience or learn a heck of a lot to empower you in future. You can’t lose.
  7. You fear you’ll fall for crap. Some strong women are strong in their lives but then somehow lose that strength when they get into serious relationships. They might allow men to mess with their heads and hearts or they put up with crappy behavior. But maintaining your strength doesn’t have to make you become a hard person in order to prevent that from happening. It just means you need to have strong dealbreakers and boundaries in place so you don’t lower your standards. Those are what you do control. Hey, it’s just love, not brainwashing.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.