Why I Feel Sorry For The Woman My Ex “Loves” Next

Why I Feel Sorry For The Woman My Ex “Loves” Next ©iStock/LuminaStock

Some women might feel contempt or resentment for the person their ex dates next, but I’m the complete opposite—to be frank, I pity her. I know the kind of boyfriend he was to me, and honestly, there’s no one on earth who deserves that.

  1. He wasn’t exactly a “blessing.” More like a curse. He thought he was all sunshine and rainbows, but in reality, he was a dark cloud of mood swings. Seriously, he gave me emotional whiplash. One minute felt like happily ever after and the next minute felt like high school bullshit. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
  2. He was anything but mature. All I wanted was a mature adult relationship, but he was always stuck in the bad boy bullshit of his childhood. I’m looking for a man, but hopefully the next girl he’s with will be looking for a boy because that’s what she’ll get with my ex. I hope she knows how to take care of him because Lord knows he could never take care of himself.
  3. We’re not getting back together no matter how much he wants to. While I’m glad he moved on, I still feel bad for the girl he’s with now. Especially because I know he’s still hanging onto to the thought of “us”. She deserves for him to focus on her. He was always focused on other women when he was with me, and it doesn’t make me happy seeing him do the same thing to yet another girl.
  4. She didn’t “win” him. I was never competing for his love. I don’t see other women as the “competition,” especially when it comes to my exes. She’s not my enemy, and in all honesty, I wish her the best. She has every right to date my ex-boyfriend. My only hope is that he’s better to her than he was to me.
  5. He’s still concerned with my life. If he’s really moved on, then why is he still reaching out to me? I was a part of his past, and I want to keep it that way. She’s his present now and has the potential to be his future, but that has nothing to do with me. So he shouldn’t be concerned with my relationship status. I’m his ex now, and if he really wants to be happy, he’d forget about me for her sake and his own.
  6. He has no idea how to be a boyfriend. He didn’t have a clue what “boyfriend material” truly meant when he was with me. He didn’t know how to plan a date or make time for me. He didn’t know how to keep our relationship private or just be there for me. I even had to be responsible for my own orgasm in bed, but all of those issues are sadly her problem now.
  7. The best thing I got out of our relationship was that he made me stronger. If things don’t work out between my ex and the next girl then at least she has that to look forward to. Our relationship meant something to me, and when it ended I was heartbroken, but I’m over that now. Losing him was hard, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel because now I know I’m so much better off without him. That’s the hope I have for her. I feel awful that she’ll go through the hell of being with him, but in the end, she’ll be stronger.
  8. Like me, she’ll be happier when she’s free of him. Without my ex in my life, I finally feel like my life is my own again. I never deserved to be treated like shit by him or any other man, and neither does she. I’m moving onto someone better — I just feel bad for the woman who he’s moving on to. I feel sorry for her because now that I know how much happier I am without him, I know that she’d be better off without him too.
  9. I don’t think he’ll ever change (even though I really hope he does). I don’t want him to change because I want to get back together, but for her sake in the matter. He might be her problem now, but I wouldn’t wish the burden of being his girlfriend on anyone. I don’t hold any sort of grudge with her. My beef was only with my ex. I may not know her personally, but I do know what it was like to be his partner. So if he hasn’t changed, then I know for a fact that she deserves a hell of a lot better than the shitty guy my ex was and probably still is.
  10. Being his girlfriend was stressful. He was beyond needy. It wasn’t just his constant need for attention that drove me nuts, though — it was the way he wanted all of me but gave nothing in return. Now that he’s out of my life it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but I’m experiencing second-hand stress for whoever he ends up with next. I can say with confidence that just about any girl deserves better.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.