If He’s Not Feeling It Anymore, Let Him Go—You’re Better Than Forcing It

Are you struggling to stay in a relationship with a guy who’s not as into you as you’d like? It’s time to stop fighting and get out. No ifs, ands, or buts.

  1. You deserve someone who’s just as into you as you are into him—or more. The only good way to have an unbalanced relationship is if that balance is tipping your way. Otherwise, you’re basically letting your insecurities dictate your love life by saying you’re not worthy of being with someone who appreciates you. If the person who’s supposed to love you the most can’t see your true value, why are you even there?
  2. It’s not doing you any favors. In fact, it’s actually harming you. Being with someone who’s not excited to be with you is like telling yourself all day, every day that you’re not good enough. You might think you can make him see your many virtues with time, but the truth is guys either see enough at first pass to go gaga over you or they don’t. If they don’t, they won’t suddenly fall in love with you 10 years into a relationship.
  3. He’ll leave you sooner or later anyway. If a guy doesn’t think you’re all that, he’s going to stick around for as long as he’s comfortable and then move on as soon as he finds someone who does excite him. Alternatively, he’ll ditch you if you ever make things even remotely more taxing for him. You can bend over backward to make him stay for a while, but ultimately you’ll lose out.
  4. Sometimes it’s better to just let things die. All that energy you’re pouring into a one-sided relationship? Believe me, once you let that go, you’ll actually be relieved. Relationships shouldn’t be about convincing some guy why he’s better off staying with you. He should already know this by the time he starts dating you.
  5. Being desperate to stay with someone just makes it worse. I hate to break it to you, but nobody actually respects doormats. If you put up with someone who’s not really into you just because you’re afraid of being on your own, you’re not going to win this guy’s heart. In fact, it’ll probably be the opposite.
  6. This isn’t what relationships are all about. Relationships should be mutual, or at least that’s the ideal. They do obviously take work because sharing your life and time with someone take work, but that’s the two of you working together to make your interactions smoother. It’s not about you working your butt off to convince a guy to stay with you when he’s always on the verge of leaving. If he wants to leave, let him and find someone who doesn’t.
  7. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are without you having to talk him into it. How do I know this? Because everyone does. Don’t settle for anything less. Serial killers get married in prison. If they can find love, then we all should be able to.
  8. Don’t make yourself overly convenient. Erasing your needs in a relationship just so you can keep a guy is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You’ll never be happy if you’re constantly ignoring yourself. If a guy is into you, he’s going to be willing to stick around even if you don’t do everything he says all the time. If he’s not willing to look after your own interests, he’s really not the guy for you.
  9. A guy who doesn’t appreciate you won’t do anything to make you stay. So don’t. You deserve a better life than constantly caving in and giving up on the sort of relationship you need and deserve. Learning to appreciate yourself and honoring your actual needs should be your first priority. If a guy won’t willingly fit into that then he’s not worth your time and energy.
  10. It’s better to get out early than to drag it out and be more heartbroken later. When this is over (and it will be, believe me), you’re going to regret every single time you bent over backward to keep such a guy around. It’s better to minimize these incidents by cutting off ties as soon as you realize things are not as mutual as they should be. The longer you’re with this guy, the more used you’re going to be to being treated like you don’t matter. That’s a really bad habit to get into. As soon as you realize you’re not getting the sort of relationship you deserve from this guy, it’s time to bail. You’ll thank yourself later for having stood up for yourself even if it hurts like hell now.
  11. It’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t really care about you. Always be willing to walk away if you’re not being appreciated. Even a painful breakup brings you one step closer to being with a better guy. When you’re with someone who’s not into you, you’re only reinforcing your worst insecurities. Once you let him go and start looking after yourself, you’ll be far better off.
Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time.