Any couple who tells you they never argue about anything is lying. Disagreements are totally normal in relationships and can even be healthy if done right. As long as no one’s hitting below the belt or being manipulative or unfair, these blips can serve to strengthen your bond and enhance your ability to deal with conflict. However, if you’re fighting about any of these things, this is a sad sign of a toxic relationship that probably won’t last much longer.
- Money Research has repeatedly shown that the more a couple fights about money, the more likely they are to break up prematurely. Whether you’re arguing over debt, how to use your income, or even one partner’s addiction to gambling or spending recklessly, this is a major sign of a toxic relationship and it doesn’t bode well. You should be on the same page about how you handle your finances, and while you should definitely have your own money, when you’re part of a couple, the other person’s situation and feelings on the matter are important too.
- Trust If you’re still with someone you don’t trust and you’re constantly fighting about that lack of trust, you’re in a toxic relationship, end of story. Things cannot work if one person always thinks the other is lying or cheating or if they’re simply irrationally paranoid or jealous when there’s no reason to be. In order for a relationship to work and to be healthy for both parties, confidence and the ability to rely on one another is key.
- Major life goals/decisions It’s fine to argue over little things like whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or how they think you had an attitude when you said something but you totally didn’t. However, when the big things are causing discord between partners, there’s a problem. You shouldn’t be fighting about whether or not to have kids, where to live, or what kind or relationship you want to have. If you can’t agree on these fundamentals, you’ll never last.
- Controlling behavior If you feel that your partner is trying to control you, who you hang out with, what you do with your time, or anything else, it’s bound to cause problems. People in a couple are still individuals as well, so it’s vital that you respect that about one another and don’t kick off if the other person doesn’t act exactly as you’d like them to or as you would in the same situation. Fighting about this is a sure sign of a toxic relationship and potentially an abusive one.
- Family It’s often said that when you marry someone, you marry their family, but I don’t even think you have to go so far as to exchange vows for this to be true. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you must love or at least accept your partner’s family because they’re a huge part of their life. If you’re fighting all the time because you hate his sister or because they’re sure your mom hates them, this will do one of two things: create a wedge between the partner and their family or create a wedge between the couple. Neither is a good option.
