How To Actually Figure Out If He’s Really The Love Of Your Life

Honeymoon bliss is nice, but don’t let the excitement of new and someone to talk to confuse you for something real. Changing your relationship status on social media is one thing, but a genuine change in your life is another. So, how do you determine if the love is really there? Here are 10 questions to ask yourself to get to the bottom of it.

  1. Are you okay with not hearing from him? I’m not saying love should smother you, but talking with your partner should be natural and comforting. If you get a feeling of being able to take a breath in between interactions, this may signal a broken or toxic element to your relationship. 
  2. Do you find yourself waiting on his lead? You don’t need to have constant play-by-play updates on his whereabouts to be in tune with one another, but if you’re not sure when he’s coming or going, this is a red flag. Being together should flow and if one person is in charge of when you two connect, it isn’t a reciprocal union.
  3. Are you changing any parts of your life for him? You can tell yourself whatever you need to but what you, and he, do says it all. If you’re both still living your life business as usual and continuing to pursue your individual goals and personal safety nets, it may be an indicator that you’re not ready to consider a life together. I mean, logistically how do will it work if he’s on a path toward a promotion that will lead to an out-of-state job transfer and you’re planning to buy a new house in your name without him? Sometimes your actions tell on you and what you want without you having to say it out loud. 
  4. Does he talk with you or to you? Some people just like to talk to someone as an audience for their own show. Just because you hear from him every day doesn’t mean he’s making an intentional effort to get to know or understand you. Don’t mistake frequent interaction for meaningful and necessary ones.
  5. Are you keeping secrets from him? Some things don’t need to be said. He doesn’t have to know about that one stupid thing you regret doing when you were young and dumb if you’re not even that person anymore (unless he specifically asks or it naturally comes up in conversation). But if you feel like you’re trying to present a certain image to him to not scare him or turn him off then the relationship lacks authenticity and is doomed to fail. The love of your life should love you, not a calculated version of who you are. 
  6. Are you happy? And by happy, I mean genuinely happy. It’s easy to like the idea of a relationship. Starting your day off with that anticipated “good morning” text is nice. Your days feel a little fuller with someone guaranteed to hear from, send pics to, and spend time with. But outside of the basic relationship perks, are you 100% sure you’re not settling for comfort? Are you certain this is a game-changer? Lingering doubts and confusion may indicate your intuition knows otherwise.
  7. Can you effectively move past conflict with him? Effectively doesn’t mean it gets swept under the rug and never brought up again to keep the peace. Problems are bound to arise in any relationship- romantic or not. But do you feel comfortable enough with him to address issues head-on until both of you are satisfied with a resolution? Conflict itself isn’t an indicator of a good or bad connection- it’s how you respond that matters.
  8. Do your first initials match? I know this sounds random, but hear me out. I noticed within my circle that a lot of married couples I know have names that start with the same letter and did some research. Sure enough, Psychologist World confirmed there is a link between name-letters and partner preference! Even the same initials and rhyming names can indicate marriage potential. It sounds so superficial, but I don’t make the rules!
  9. Do you need anything from him? They say love is supposed to happen when you least expect it. So if you’re actively seeking and soliciting someone because you’re looking for something, this may not be a good sign for it being the real deal. If it came in like a wrecking ball and pleasantly interrupted you living your best life, this may be it. 
  10. Do you need others’ confirmation to be sure? If you came to this article for outside advice and input, I have bad news for you. Your friends and family (and strangers) shouldn’t have to convince you what you’re doing is meant to be. If you don’t know on your own, then your inner gut does know…that it’s not.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer