I’ve gone on so many dates with dudes who were rude, insane, or just not great guys and it sucked. This time, I got lucky and landed a date with a really normal guy. I don’t use “normal” to signify boring, either—it’s actually been really refreshing and I wish it happened more often.
Normalcy is totally underrated. A normal guy is someone who seems stable by all measures of the word, someone who’s pretty available and doesn’t do or say anything crazy. It’s a person I’m interested in and one who generally won’t hurt me. He has his act together and it shows.
Guys like this are hard to come by. They’re a rare gem in the abyss of tools, bros, and weirdos (not the good kind). They’re particularly hard to find, and that seems to be especially true on dating apps. Because they seem to be a near-extinct breed, they surprise me when they come out of the woodwork.
I usually expect the worst on a date. Since normal guys are so rare, I’m usually stuck with ones who won’t treat me right or who are just downright odd. Too many times I’ve gone on a date, excited about the prospects, only to find that they’re not at all what I’m looking for. Now I prepare myself for the worst on a date but still secretly hope for the best. That meant I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy.
My dating history is pretty messy. I’ve mostly been bored out of my mind or I wanted to get the heck out of the date as soon as I possibly could. There haven’t been many people at all that I’ve been excited to be on a date with, especially not ones that might actually be good for me.
I used to be repelled by normal guys. I don’t know who I thought I was, but I wanted bad boys, which usually translated into ones that treated me like crap and were emotionally unavailable. That says a lot about where I was at in my life. I used to think that normal guys were weird and I wasn’t interested in them. Now, however, I actually crave guys who are even keel and drama-free. My heart gets broken much less now.
He almost bought me flowers. He told me that he wanted to buy me flowers, but if he did, he would have been late to our date. Even the thought was so sweet. I can’t remember the last time a guy bought me flowers on a first date—I think it’s been about a decade. That’s a super thoughtful gesture that only a guy who has his act together would even consider doing.
He offered to pick me up. It’s also been a very long time since someone offered to pick me up for a date. It’s such a polite and thoughtful gesture, I was quite blown away. I didn’t end up doing it because I have my own car, but I really appreciated the fact that he bothered to ask.
He paid for drinks. Not that I think men should always pay for the meal or drinks, but I do think that the person who asked to go on the date should pay. He asked and he had no problem paying. This was a very nice thing to do as I usually get resentful if someone doesn’t offer to pick up the tab when they set up the date. It was such a casual thing, too, and totally not a big deal.
The conversation was great. There was plenty of back and forth going on the whole time we were together. There were rarely silences as we both almost always had something to say. Most importantly, he was asking me questions too. He wasn’t just filling the space by talking about himself the whole time—I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on that were like this. I didn’t have to do all the work to keep the conversation going; he did his part too.
Many of the things he did should be givens. It should just be common practice to keep a conversation going or to offer to give a ride, but it’s unfortunately not. Even the very basics are often overlooked by many men. He could be a shining example to them of what to do to hit the minimum requirements to date… though I admit that flowers are going above and beyond.
I’d rather take good over interesting. It used to be that I’d want a super interesting man, but this was at the expense of goodness. It usually meant they were interesting alright but they treated me like crap. Now I’d choose good over interesting any day. Of course, they aren’t mutually exclusive. As I found out with this guy, it’s possible to have both qualities.
These sort of dates give me hope. When I have these rarities occur, I hold onto them with gratitude. They give me hope that I can have more in the future and that I’m not doomed to a life of crappy men. This guy may not have become my boyfriend, but I feel a lot more positive of finding the right one for me.
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