I Finally Found A Good Guy, And It Showed Me How Terrible My Ex Was

The guy I’m with right now feels like an angel from heaven. It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced that “dream relationship” that I always heard about but thought was a myth. It’s kinda funny, though — it took meeting an amazing guy to make me realize that my ex is a grade-A douchebag.

  1. He always used to make me play by his rules. Whenever I was hanging out with my ex, I always felt like it was his world and I was just visiting. If, for example, he wanted to see a movie and I didn’t, he would tell me all the reasons why I should see the movie and tell me just “trust him” instead of suggesting something else we could do or asking me what I want. I get that guys like to lead, but he never, ever let me have a say, and to me, that’s proof enough that he definitely a jerk.
  2. He made me do some pretty outlandish favors. One time he made me run home to get his wallet because he forgot it and needed it to buy alcohol. I almost lost my job because I did this, and he never said thank you! He just “assumed” I would do it and thought that it was normal to make your girlfriend run across the city for you. The guy I’m with now would never put my job in jeopardy just because he wanted to get drunk. I’m am no one’s assistant.
  3. He told me he loved me, but never really acted like it. Yes, my ex told me time and time again that he loved me, but he rarely ever acted on it. Sure, we kissed, hugged, had sex, talked… but when it came to the boring stuff like sticking by my side through the hard times or being there when I needed him, he would be gone without a trace. My current squeeze says he loves me AND puts the work in to prove it.
  4. He cared more about himself than he did us. I always got the feeling that he was thinking about himself, like 100 percent of the time. Even when we were having deep, intimate conversations — it always came back to him. How his career is doing, how he wants to try cross fit for the millionth time or what he thought of the movie we just saw. He was his favorite topic of conversation, whereas my newest boo seems to have a ton of questions for me.
  5. He always thought it was kinda funny when I cried. This one easily bothered me the most. When I cry, it’s not because I want attention — it’s because I’m having a real reaction to something that happened and I’m legitimately upset. My ex would comfort me, but instead of really listening to what’s wrong, he would make a joke out of it and it made me feel like a fool for being so vulnerable in front of him. It’s the fact that he didn’t take my feelings seriously that really upset me. I never have to worry about that now because my current boyfriend understands that crying is no laughing matter.
  6. He never trusted me. I never caught him snooping around on my phone, but I can guarantee he’s done it once or twice. I always got the feeling that he never fully trusted me and that he was just counting down the minutes until I would go and cheat on him. I know that it’s normal to have a certain degree of jealousy or suspicion in every relationship, but I gave him no reason to not trust me so I really didn’t appreciate those sketchy looks he would give me. My new guy doesn’t blink an eye when it comes to stuff like that, he knows what a good person I am and I love how much he trusts me.
  7. He used to flirt with girls in front of me. This was awful. If a pretty girl came up to where we were, he ALWAYS had to say something. He would use the excuse of just being a “friendly guy” when I would confront him about it, but then I always thought, “How come you never said anything to the dirty old homeless people walking by”? He did it to make me think he didn’t need me, making me cling onto him further. He knew exactly what he was doing there. It was manipulation at it’s best. The good guy never flirts with other girls because he KNOWS how much it bothers me and he respects that.
  8. He would drop our plans if something more exciting came up for him. I was never a top priority for him. Never. The second one of his buddies called with something better to do, he was out the door like THAT. He bailed on me so many times, I can’t even count. It all comes down to respect in relationships and he absolutely did NOT respect my time, or me for that matter. My boyfriend now would never put some random party before spending quality time with me.
  9. He was always late. This goes back to the respect thing I was talking about earlier. He didn’t respect nor value my time and would make me wait almost every time we went somewhere. I can understand showing up late for a date every now and then, but he was late CONSTANTLY and knew very well that I wasn’t okay with it.
  10. He expected too much from me. I was to be the perfect girlfriend, and if I didn’t do something that he thought I should have done — like, for example, shave my legs — he would actually get disappointed. It was nuts! I felt like I was just there to fulfill his girlfriend fantasies, and when he figured out that I wasn’t going to be the sweet little princess he thought I was, he dropped me. In the end, though, I’m grateful that he did because now I get to be with someone who accepts me for who I am. Imagine that!
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.