I’ve Finally Learned How To Let Go Of My Insecurities & Enjoy Sex

I’ve Finally Learned How To Let Go Of My Insecurities & Enjoy Sex ©iStock/triocean

I’m pretty open when it comes to my sexuality now, but I wasn’t always that way. I used to be way more reserved about sex, and it only ended up holding me back in the bedroom. This is how I finally went from feeling shy about my sexual side and learned to completely embrace it:

  1. I had a lot of casual sex. I knew that if I wanted to get over my sexual hangups, I would have to get under as many dudes as possible. Judge me all you want, but the practice of letting go, trusting in the moment and having sex with someone I just met (or had only met a few times) boosted my confidence ten fold. Note: I of course made sure I trusted these guys and that they weren’t sketch bags.
  2. I wore clothes that made me feel hot. I traded in my usual jeans and t-shirt for black nylon tights and a pencil skirt. I obviously still wear my jeans, but by expanding my wardrobe to include pieces that evoked a little sex appeal, I felt more comfortable expressing the sexier side of my personality.
  3. I realized that sex is just a fun activity. Sex is really no big deal when you think about it. It’s just two people having some good ol’ consensual fun. It can sometimes end up changing your entire life, which is why you should only engage in sexual activities with someone you trust, but honestly, the more I saw sex as just a fun thing to do, the less uptight and shy I became about it.
  4. I made friends with my body. One of the main reasons I was shy about sex is because I didn’t like the way I looked naked. Once I was able to see my body as being beautiful and well, sexy, my sex life really improved. It wasn’t easy, and I still fall back into old patterns of thinking, but after putting in real effort to love the way I looked, I was able to relax in my own skin.
  5. I invested in some sex toys. Buying my first vibrator was scary AF, but once I did it, I never looked back. Using sex toys is a reminder that sex is fun, and it’s the perfect way to get my fix without the added stress of worrying about someone else’s pleasure.
  6. I embraced my feminine side.  Everyone tends to feel a bit more sexually empowered by embracing either their masculine or feminine side. I tend to be a bit boyish, which is totally fine, but being masculine isn’t what makes me feel sexy — being feminine does. I always thought that being feminine was a sign of weakness, but the more I embraced it, the more grounded in my sexuality I felt.
  7. I talked about sex in a casual way. I would try to talk to my partner or even my friends about sex in a more relaxed way, and it really was nothing to be afraid of! I cracked some penis jokes and told some funny sex stories form my past, and they totally landed. Being able to discuss these things outside of the bedroom helped me loosen up and stop thinking of sex as a huge deal.
  8. I started sexting. Sexting was like a gateway for me to eventually talk sexy face to face. It gave me the chance to craft my perfect sexy scenario, and I could say whatever I wanted without feeling nervous or weird about it. Ultimate sexy freedom.
  9. I was upfront about what I do and don’t like. I took control of my sex life. I found out what I enjoy during sex and communicated that to my partner. Of course I was awkward AF as I was explaining the kind of pressure to use when stroking my butt, but when it was all over, I felt empowered. It was awesome.
  10. I became a self-proclaimed expert in the sac. I became a little obsessed with sex for a while. I read books, listened to interviews, and followed sex-positive feminists on Instagram. I became a bit of a sexpert, and that directly translated to me shedding my shy girl persona and becoming the sex goddess that I am now.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.