Finally Liking Someone Is Scary AF When You’ve Been Disappointed Too Many Times

Meeting a great new guy when you’ve been single for way too long should be the most exciting thing ever, and it is… for about five minutes. Then the doubt and worry sets in and soon you’re more stressed out than you were before. There are a lot of things that you think about when you like someone but don’t want to get your hopes up — here are just a few of them:

  1. You remember what you love about your life. Sure, you don’t adore the fact that you’re still single, but you love a lot of other things. You’ve got an amazing career, you have the greatest girlfriends and you’ve built a routine that makes you happy, so if things don’t work out with this new guy, who cares? You’re still you and you still enjoy your life. The struggle is that you really would like to welcome this guy into your world, too.
  2. You’re a red flag detective. It’s not that you’re searching for things wrong with this guy, you’re just being realistic. You want to make sure that you know everything that you can about him before jumping in but you also would love to just sit back and enjoy this new experience.
  3. You wonder when things will feel solid. Can you tell your friends about him once you’ve had two dates? Three? When it’s been a month? You’re constantly asking yourself when you’re going to feel like you and this guy are on solid ground. At the same time, you don’t want to act like you’re already a couple because then you’re just going to get hurt if things don’t work out that way.
  4. You feel lame for being excited. On the one hand, you’re giddy and feel like things are finally happening for you. On the other, you feel like a lame hopeless romantic for feeling any ounce of excitement toward this person. It’s a serious struggle between being hopeful and being realistic.
  5. You cut your dates short. All you need right now is to spend five hours at a time with this guy. Not. You’re going to get more attached than you want to and it’s going to be that much more difficult to let go if he ends up not being what he seems. You cut your dates short so you can have the best of both worlds: the thrill of dating someone new and the realization that you’re still your own person.
  6. You wonder if he fits into your future. You’re not dreaming so much that you think this guy is going to be your future soulmate or maybe even your husband. You get that might not happen, but you struggle with how this guy fits into your future. You want to stay strong and independent and make your own decisions and yet it would be pretty great if things worked out and you could plan things with a boyfriend.
  7. You use the word “but” a lot. When you talk about this guy, you tell your friends and maybe even your coworkers that he’s super great “but it’s super early” or “but who knows what will happen.” You want to convince everyone around you (and yourself) that you’re not head-over-heels yet.
  8. You limit how much time you spend thinking about him. You can’t always control your thoughts and yet this is exactly what you try to do when you’re trying to stay cool, calm and collected about a new guy. If you keep daydreaming about when things will finally be official, when you will finally feel secure, and maybe even some milestones like your first couples’ getaway, you’re going to be a total goner. The problem, of course, is that you like him, so of course he’s on your mind.
  9. You’re more scared of losing him than you thought. You feel super weird about this because it’s not like you’re in love. This guy isn’t even your boyfriend, but you can’t help but be afraid of losing him because he’s probably the first guy in a while that you even like. This is actually good since it proves that you care about someone, but it’s definitely tough to deal with.
  10. You wonder if this is your last chance at love. You know as well as anyone that sometimes, you can like a guy a ton and there will still be a million different reasons why you two never end up together. You wonder if this guy is your last chance at love. What if you never meet anyone that you’re into ever again? Should you forget any weird moments or red flags and just go for it? You know deep down that’s not the best thing to do and that you can’t force anything. You know that eventually things will work out or they won’t, but for now, the struggle is real, and it really sucks.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.