I’m Finally Living My Dream Life & I’m Exhausted And Anxious

After a bout of bad luck, unemployment, and frequent depression naps, I finally got several kick-ass jobs, moved into a better apartment than I ever thought I could afford, and I’m truly living out my dreams. As ridiculously happy as all of this makes me, I’ve never felt more overwhelmed and stressed out in my life.

I have too many projects going on at once. 

My jobs now entail a lot of research and writing work, assistant work, networking, and a whole lot of projects. It’s exactly the kind of work that I’ve always wanted to do, but I have so much on my plate. Trying to keep it all straight in my mind can get me feeling dizzy. Being able to prioritize and multitask is a must.

I make my own hours, which means I’m constantly on the clock. 

I essentially have to make myself available to my boss at all times (which is especially fun when my boss literally doesn’t sleep—I’m not kidding). I get e-mails from him at all hours of the day and night. Gone are the days when I could leave my work at the door the second I clocked out. Even when I’m trying to have a little time away from working, all the projects that I have on hold at that moment are in the back of my mind, reminding me they’re still there and could be worked on.

Time management is not my forte. 

Because I get to make my own hours, this means I also have to be a hard-ass on myself in order to get any work done. Setting a schedule for myself and sticking to it is a pretty hard feat, especially because I tend to get distracted easily. Being in charge of making my own time for work, fun, and self-care is hard, and spontaneity has pretty much gone out the window.

I’m putting a ton of pressure on myself. 

Because I’m finally where I wanted to be in life for so long, the fear of screwing up is so intense it’s debilitating. On top of the already-existing pressure from my jobs, I’m putting an insane amount of pressure on myself to perform well at all my jobs. Self-doubt is a straight-up bitch, and because of the high standards I set for myself, she’s weaseled her way back into my head.

There’s no definitive line between my work life and my personal life. 

Because a lot of my job is so intertwined with my everyday life, the line between work and personal life is totally blurred, if not erased completely. I do a lot of networking over cocktails, sending work e-mails during coffee dates, and spending my downtime brainstorming ideas pertaining to my jobs. Balance is key, but sometimes it’s inevitable for things to pool into each other without bounds.

I’m scared that my personal relationships will suffer. 

I’ve admittedly got a pretty poppin’ social life. I have a lot of friends and not a lot of time to spend with them anymore. My friends mean the world to me and I worry about losing some because I can’t see them as frequently as I used to.

It’s a dramatic shift in how I’m used to living my life. 

Even before I was unemployed, I worked a job that I didn’t really care about. Once work was done, it was out of my head until the next shift. I’m used to having a whole lot of free time, most of which was spent partying. Now that I’m so busy, I can’t go out day-drinking with my friends every day and spend my nights binge-watching Netflix. Truthfully, I’m used to living life pretty recklessly and irresponsibly. Those traits are no longer an option now that I have so much on my plate. It’s drastically changed how I live and because of that, it’s changed a lot about who I am as a person. Letting go of this lifestyle I’ve previously constructed for myself is strangely difficult, but the new life that’s now beginning to form will be far more rewarding and beneficial.

It has me questioning my life path. 

I’m a very overanalytical and indecisive person. For this reason, making a concrete decision pertaining to where my life may be headed is terribly difficult. I know I’ve always loved writing, networking, and creative pursuits, but I feel like my mind is always being pulled in a million different directions when it comes to where I see myself in 10 years. Though I love my new jobs, I’m constantly obsessing over where they’re going to push me in the future. Do I want writing to be my occupation forever? Is there something else I’d enjoy more? Do I want to stay living in Milwaukee, and if not, where would I want to go? Actively working on living in the moment is something that I need to work on.

My passion has become my occupation. 

They say that if you do what you love for a living, you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Realistically, it more so turns your life and your passion into constant work. It seems as though most everything I do is somehow dedicated to my craft and to my jobs. Do I wish I had a different job? Hell no. My days can leave me feeling like I’ve got a couple of those cartoon birdies spinning circles around my head, but I’m also happier than I’ve ever been too. I’m in a great life spot and I love what I do!

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