I Finally Met A Good Guy & I’ll Never Go For A Toxic Guy Again

I’ve had jerk after weirdo after abuser after codependent partner, so needless to say my faith in good men has been tested repeatedly. However, I finally met an actual nice guy and while things didn’t work out, he reminded me that I deserve the best from my future partners.

  1. There actually were no games. I knew that he liked me from the start; he made it very clear. I never had to try to guess what his motives were because he told me flat out and his actions lined up with what he said. This is what I mean by not playing games—he was a straight shooter. Too often in my past, I had people who were wishy-washy and were just totally unclear with me. He was a refreshing break from that.
  2. He was super sweet. He was just a genuinely good human. He was really sweet and wonderful to me, restoring my faith in men. I’ve experienced men who were sweet when they wanted something or they were overly “nice” to the point where it was unhealthy and codependent. This was my first time experiencing a healthy amount of affection and care.
  3. I’m so surprised that all my needs can be met. I have a history of relationships where some or many of my needs weren’t met, so when I found that this guy could satisfy them in a relationship, I was blown away. Of course, I’m not saying he could satisfy my every need, but just the ones that really mattered in a relationship like having someone who’s attentive, caring, and thoughtful.
  4. I don’t have to allow deal breakers. One of the biggest lessons I learned from this is that I actually don’t have to compromise on my deal breakers. I can indeed find someone who doesn’t violate anything that would make me uncomfortable like smoking weed or being in a different political party than me. I get to look for and find someone who only shows green flags rather than red.
  5. It was just a nice experience. Some people would be mad or upset that such a good thing is over, and I suppose I am to a degree, but for the most part, I just feel glad that the relationship happened. I feel immensely grateful that I got to have that experience. I know that not everyone gets to have a relationship like I did, some people just never find someone who’s nice all around. I consider myself lucky.
  6. I can’t believe I settled for less for so long. It blows my mind that there are men in the world who are so good. I’ve unfortunately had experiences that were mostly abusive, toxic, codependent, and just plain unhealthy. I didn’t know that I didn’t have to settle! I can’t believe that I put up with so much crap for as long as I did, depriving myself of the chance to meet a totally awesome guy like this one.
  7. Dating him helped me raise the bar. Now moving forward I’m going to demand only the finest of men. Dating this dude helped me realize that there are actually nice guys in the world and I don’t have to settle for anything less than amazing. I’m not saying I’ll go ahead and have unreal expectations of people, but I’ll certainly expect traits like emotional availability and maturity, good communication, and vulnerability.
  8. The relationship and meeting him gave me hope for the future. As I’ve said, this just all astounded me. It really sparked a hunger in me for another good guy. Although this one left, he also left me with the hope that I could meet someone like him, maybe even better! For once, I actually have some genuine hope for my dating life because I have greater faith in some men as well as in myself.
  9. It didn’t work out and that’s OK. It turned out that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Nonetheless, the breakup was amicable and I was still left feeling glad that it had happened at all. I think that a relationship can still be successful even though it ends because we learned a lot from one another.
  10. We grew so much together. Isn’t life all about growth and moving in the right direction?That’s what we did for each other. We helped one another become better versions of ourselves. For example, I learned that I really am capable of having a healthy relationship and he learned that he’s capable of deep levels of vulnerability. The relationship was a beautiful experience.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.