I Finally Have A Real Crush On Someone For The First Time In Forever And I’m Terrified

I’ve been single AF for years. My last relationship ended terribly and I haven’t had feelings for anyone since… until now. I finally have a real crush on someone and I’m excited but overwhelmingly terrified. Here’s why:

  1. What if I have a type? What if he turns out to be just like all of my exes? He’s really into me for the first year or so and then he just gets sick of me. He falls madly in love with me but then he starts to pull away. I’m his best friend and he wants to stay friends but he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He wants to live the single life. That’s my type so far, and I definitely don’t want to go through that whole scenario again.
  2. What if he ends up only wanting sex? I really like this guy and I’m not a “keep it casual” kind of girl. I don’t have meaningless sex but in modern dating, it feels like I’m the minority on that subject. I’m not waiting until marriage but I don’t want to have sex unless I’m in love. So what if he can’t handle that? Or worse, what if the only reason he wanted to date me was for my body?
  3. What if this crush makes things awkward? He’s not my boss or anything, but this is a guy I work with, so if things don’t work out, then what? I’ll still have to see him every day. I’m not going to quit my job just because of a breakup. I hope he can keep things professional because my career is important to me. I don’t want my personal life to ever overshadow my drive to succeed. If we do end, I just hope it doesn’t end badly.
  4. What if he distracts me from my goals? I don’t want to get stuck here. I want the right guy but I want that guy to follow my dreams with me, not rush me into settling down. I still have a lot of life to live and I want more out of my life than just kids, a husband, and suburban life. I want to move, travel and pursue my career. I want love too. I just don’t want a man to distract me from everything else because, at the end of the day, I want it all.
  5. What if we don’t want the same things out of life? We might really like each other, but none of that matters if we don’t want the same things or see life the same way. I want a man with character and a true sense of morality, but I also want to be with someone who’s following the same path as me. I know what I want out of life, I just hope he knows what he wants those same things too.
  6. What if I don’t fit in with his friends and family? I am not a people person. I would rather have a few really close friends than lots of average friends. I just don’t really like people and I think the feeling is usually mutual. So even if we both grow to really like and care for each other. What happens if I don’t like his friends or family or if they don’t like me? I’ve been down that road before and it was exhausting, to say the least.
  7. What if our age difference is just too much? He’s a little bit older than me and I’m hoping that means he’s more mature, but what if we’re just at different places in our lives? How many years are too many years apart? I really feel like I’m still in the starting out stage of adulthood, but he’s fully in it. So will he think I’m too young for him? Or will he end up being too old to understand me?
  8. What if he’s another man I can’t trust? Or what if I can trust him but I ruin things because I can’t get over my stupid trust issues? I’ve had so many men lie to me and make me empty promises, I don’t know how to tell if this guy is different, not yet at least. It’s going to take some time for him to be able to earn my trust. I just hope he thinks I’m worth it.
  9. What if I sabotage things because I’m trying to hard to protect myself? I’ve been through multiple broken hearts and each one taught me something. I’ve learned more and more ways to be smarter and love and learned how to protect myself but what if all those lessons just keep me from finding love? I could sabotage everything just in my thirst to protect myself and then I’ll be alone again. At least before this crush, I was happily single…
  10. What if he doesn’t like the real me? We’re only just starting to get to know each other. This is just a crush so I don’t know the real him and he doesn’t know the real me—not yet at least. I love myself but I also know myself and I know I’m a difficult person to love. I won’t change myself for anyone, but I can’t help but worry that the more he gets to know me, the less he’ll like me.
  11. What if he hurts me? In the end, that’s what all my what ifs really boil down to—my fear that he’s going to hurt me. I don’t want to end up heartbroken again. It took me a really long time to get over my last relationship and I don’t want to live through that pain again. I really do want to find love, but I only want to find a love that’s going to last, and that’s exactly why this crush scares me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.