I’ve always been self-conscious about my weight, and it didn’t help that some family members teased me about my size as a child. I thought it was the most important quality to have to attract guys until I experienced the opposite. Here’s why my outlook changed.
I used to think only my weight mattered to men. A lot of guys can be shallow (women too), so most women want to be thinner. But there are guys out there that look for other qualities too, and those are the ones that are worth dating. Why would I want to be with someone who’s only with me for my looks anyway? For a while, I didn’t think this through and only cared about being more physically attractive to get guys to notice me.
I equated my attractiveness with the number on the scale. I cared so much about my weight because I thought I needed to achieve a certain number on the scale to be attractive. I was so obsessed to the point that it was almost all I thought about. There was nothing I wanted more than to be thin. Skinny girls appeared to have it all and seemed to get attention without any effort. Why couldn’t I be like them?
I almost developed an eating disorder because of it. I ended up basically starving myself for a long time to drop weight. I became the skinniest I’ve ever been and I felt good about how I looked, but I was miserable in general. Being hangry all the time isn’t healthy and doesn’t make people want to be around you but I thought the sacrifice was worth achieving my goal weight and being more attractive. It turns out I was wrong.
Surprisingly, I was never treated better when I was skinnier. When I was my slimmest, guys still blew me off as much as they did before. Also, guys that I had always crushed on didn’t magically become interested in me when I lost weight. People in general didn’t treat me any better either. I don’t know why I thought life would be perfect as a skinny person. People don’t treat you better just because you’re thin and guys can be jerks no matter how big or small you are.
My current partner has never cared about my weight either. I was actually at my heaviest when I met my partner, who I’ve been with for many years now. I dropped a bunch of weight after a couple years of us dating and it’s not like he loved me more or was any more attracted to me than he already was. He treated me exactly the same as he always had. I’ve also gained some weight back recently and it doesn’t faze him at all. He couldn’t care any less how much I weigh.
It took me this long to realize that weight doesn’t matter that much. None of the guys I dated ever cared how skinny I was—guys that are worth keeping around definitely care about what’s on the inside more. I wish I could tell my younger self this because it would’ve saved me a lot of misery. I wouldn’t have been so focused on my weight and could’ve just enjoyed life a little more.
If a guy only wants me if I’m skinny, he’s not worth my time anyway. Find someone who will love you no matter what size you are. That’s unconditional love. Yes, there are guys out there that only care about looks, but there are also plenty of good guys like my partner who don’t need you to be a certain weight to love you.
Being confident makes me attractive. People care way more about how you act than how you look. Personality is more important, and your confidence will get you further and attract the right kind of attention. I’m way more attractive now that I’m more confident in myself. My significant other thinks so as well. I’ve learned to love myself no matter what the scale says.
Now I want to be healthy for myself. I’m actually the most fit I’ve ever been because I stopped caring about what guys thought about me. I lead a healthier lifestyle solely to take care of myself and not to make anyone else happy. I feel better, and that’s more important to me than appearance now. My energy is better used for other things anyway. In my experience, decent men don’t care about weight as much as you think they do.