You Can’t Find Love & Have A Solid Relationship Until You Do This One Vital Thing

Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or just fed up with being single, seeking out love is completely natural. However, if every stone you’ve turned has uncovered yet another failed relationship, the problem may lie with you. Before you fall head over heels in love with a guy, there’s one vital thing you have to do — fall in love with yourself first. Here’s why it’s so vital:

  1. Getting your self-esteem from a guy is toxic. If you only feel beautiful when some guy tells you you’re beautiful, you have to work on your self-esteem. You don’t need the recognition of a man to love yourself. If you’re looking to jump headfirst into a relationship simply because you fear that you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, or successful enough for love, you need to sort your own stuff out first.
  2. Guys can tell when you don’t love yourself. Guys can smell low self-esteem like cheap, tacky perfume. You reek of it; it’s all over you no matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise. There are few guys out there who find a sheer lack of confidence appealing and, trust me, you want to stay well away from the ones who do. Loving yourself means you respect yourself, and guys will respect that too.
  3. Without self-love, you’ll be needy AF. If you’re someone who simply can’t love herself, you’ll be a needy AF girlfriend. When you lust for constant attention — be it through compliments or PDAs — it can be tiresome for guys. Expecting a man to give you more than you can give him back is utter BS. No guy will put up with that and, frankly, he shouldn’t have to. You wouldn’t if the situations were reversed, would you?
  4. You have to stop hating on yourself for once. Look, it’s easy to be your own worst critic. You may glance in the mirror and find 50 different things that you loathe. You might judge yourself when you make a dumbass mistake or compare yourself to all the other seemingly badass ladies around you. Cut. It. Out. If you spend all your time hating on yourself, you’ll never find self-love or real love.
  5. Own your happiness. Your happiness is your responsibility. If you cannot be content outside of a relationship, you’ll never be happy in one. Men are drawn to joyful, thriving women, not ladies who are in desperate need of romance to make them happy.
  6. Negative feelings about yourself leak outward. When you’re always down on yourself, that attitude will start to leak out into every area of your life. It’s like a virus; it will spread through all your social interactions and make you (and everyone else) miserable. No guy wants to end up with a negative, nagging Nancy.
  7. There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who begs for compliments. Okay, I’m just gonna say it. There is nothing less attractive on this planet than a woman who’s constantly begging a guy for or fishing for compliments. It’s sickening behavior that makes my stomach turn. If you’re guilty of this; the worst of all sins, just stop. Please, stop.
  8. You have to learn to love the little things. So, how can you start to fall in love with yourself? Well, it’s the same as falling for anyone else. You should notice the small things you do that make you happy. Screw thinking about your negative traits; we all have them. Instead, pay close attention to all the badass things about yourself. If it helps, make a damn list! It’s time to recognize your own greatness for real.
  9. Romance yourself before you let a guy romance you. How do you even know what true romance is if you can’t give it yourself? Before you waste countless hours searching for Mr. Right, you have to learn to romance yourself. Take yourself on a date; treat yourself to dinner; spend quality time alone. Once you do all these things, you’ll have a deeper understanding of the awesome lady you are. What’s more, that inner confidence will shine through every aspect of your life.
  10. Love is not a miracle cure! I shouldn’t even have to say this, but finding love won’t make everything in your life perfect. If you think it will, Disney really did a number on you as a kid. Waiting for a prince on a white stallion to rock up and whisk you away to your happily-ever-after is a waste of your precious time on earth. If you’re looking for love to fix all the wrongs in your life, you will never find it.
Charlotte is a freelance writer who's addicted to binge-watching TV, drinking far too much coffee, and writing articles.