How Do You Find Love? Stop Taking It So Damn Seriously

You’re serious about finding love so you’re playing the game as best you can, but you’re definitely not winning. So what exactly are you doing wrong? You wish someone would tell you so that you could fix it and put an end to all the BS. How DO you find love? The answer is easy — stop taking it so damn seriously.

  1. Remember that you’re not fighting against the clock. Your love life doesn’t have an expiration date, so stop acting like you’re too old to find love. There’s no such thing. Age is just a number and the sand in your hourglass isn’t running out. Take your time because rushing into the arms of the wrong man just isn’t worth it.
  2. Realize that dating should be fun. Shouldn’t it? If you’re working this hard to find love, shouldn’t you at least be having a good time while you’re doing it? Everyone wants the destination, but how about enjoying the journey? If dating feels like constant misery then you’re doing something wrong.
  3. Stop looking so damn hard. If you’re looking so hard for Mr. Perfect, you may miss out on Mr. Right. Did you ever think that maybe you’re looking for love in all the wrong places? You’re trying so hard to find it, but would you even recognize love if it was right in front of your face? Stop looking beyond and maybe you’ll start noticing what’s right in front of you.
  4. Lower your expectations. That doesn’t mean you need to settle; it means you need to stop going into every first date expecting to find love. Instead, you should approach a date just hoping to have a good time. When you take the pressure off, you get to see each other for whom you really are. It won’t always be a match made in heaven, but at least it will be real.
  5. Try letting love find you. Sometimes the best way to find love is to stop looking. If you quit putting pressure on every night out, you’ll end up just having fun and being yourself. Men will be attracted to the girl who’s carefree, the one who doesn’t need a guy. You’re surviving all on your own, and there’s nothing more attractive than an independent woman.
  6. Be picky, but don’t have impossible standards. No man will ever be perfect, so make some allowances for human flaws. You may have spent your whole life dreaming about Prince Charming, but that’s a fictional character. The actual love of your life is going to be real, which means he’s bound to have his flaws and bound to make mistakes. You can keep setting the bar high, but just remember there is a point when it’s so high that no man can reach it.
  7. Be smart about dating… but don’t outsmart love. You need to be able to spot the red flags and smell the BS, but you also can’t disregard every guy. You shouldn’t let men walk all over you, but you also need to give them a fair chance. You can filter out the players but just remember, not every guy is a player.
  8. Believe that there really are so many fish in the sea. Have you ever taken a look at your odds of finding love? You’ve got some pretty good chances. There are so many single guys out there. Don’t you think you’re bound to connect with at least one of them? It might be a lame saying but have comfort in knowing that you’re far from the last single out there.
  9. Accept that not every guy is your ex. You can’t hold every man responsible for the crimes of your ex. You’re vetting every guy you meet. You’re searching for red flags that aren’t even there. Why? Because you assume every man is going to hurt you just like your ex did. It’s time to let go of him and stop letting his past indiscretions cause you stress because holding a grudge isn’t helping. It’s just making you bitter.
  10. Understand that ending up alone isn’t the worst thing in the world. Have you ever thought that maybe if you’d stop being afraid of not finding love, you’d finally find it? You’re so afraid of the alternative that you put pressure on every man you meet and every relationship you have. You’re desperate to find “The One” because you’re too afraid of ending up alone. Let go of that fear, and the pressure is finally off.
  11. Learn how to relax. You have a job, right? Well, it’s normal for that to add stress to your life, but not dating. You’re an independent woman. You can provide for yourself, so you really have nothing to worry about. Sure, you want to find love, but don’t let the fact that you’re still in the dating game stress you out. Just breathe and remember if it’s meant to be, it will all work itself out in the end.
  12. You need a positive outlook. No man can make you happy, right? So instead of searching for someone who can, do that job on your own first. Once you’re a strong, happy independent woman then the dating game has a lot less pressure. You’ll finally be able to stop stressing over the single life and start enjoying it. As an added bonus, being happy might just help you attract a good man and true love.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.