I used to think that the “good guy” was a thing of the past. In a world full of almost-relationships, progressive threesomes, ghosting and love-bombing, I thought I’d never again run into a nice man. Then it finally happened and let me tell you, it’s worth waiting for.
If he’s good, your gut will tell you within a second. It’s true that first impressions count. You can tell whether you’ve got chemistry with someone in less than a minute. Your gut will also let you know if he’s a good guy. Good guys have a very calm, friendly look in their eyes (kind of like the human version of golden retrievers). They’ll open the door, pull the chair out, and buy the first round for you.
Don’t waste your time changing a loser—wait for a good guy instead. The truth is that no matter how great you are, you can’t change a douchebag. So what do you do then? You turn them down immediately and hold out until you find the good guy you’ve been waiting for. Like it or not, the more amazing you are, the harder it is to find love. When you find a guy who’s worth it, though, you won’t have to change a thing about him.
If you keep finding bad guys, change your environment. I used to go to the same bars every weekend and complain that the only guys I found wanted to have a one-night stand and ghost me after. Then I realized that I was doing it all wrong. Instead of drinking, I started hitting up sports events, galleries, and cultural festivals. Lo and behold, I finally found a man who shares the same interests as I do and who doesn’t want to disappear in the middle of the night.
Wasting energy on the wrong guy will keep you from spending it on the right one. The more you waste your energy on immature losers and douchebags, the more drained yo’ll feel by the time you meet that good guy. Instead of being only halfway into the relationship with the right man out of fear or exhaustion, save your time and skip through that BS. If you give every guy the benefit of the doubt, you’ll end up completely disillusioned and tired. Pick carefully. If you aren’t completely sure that he’s a nice guy, say no.
A good guy will show you what you’ve been missing and transform you. If you’ve given up on love and think that every guy sucks, don’t. Yes, there are plenty of immature, selfish guys who will try to use you. However, don’t forget that for every 10 of these losers, there’s one amazing guy. Meeting him will take longer but will feel like hitting the jackpot.
Take time to get to know yourself fully. That’s when you’ll find a good guy. I used to be super idealistic and romantic in my early 20s. Then I dated a series of guys who pulled every trick in the book, from ghosting to trying to establish an open relationship. I thought something was wrong with me so I decided to wait and didn’t date for a full year. It was during that time that I realized I was totally fine—in fact, I was too good for these guys—and I started to be able to have a healthy relationship.
Waiting for a good guy will teach you patience and strength. When I was a kid, my parents would offer me five bucks immediately or twenty if I was willing to wait a week. The choice seemed extremely simple: wait longer and get more money. I had to come back to this basic principle in my dating life. It works just as well now as it did then. Wait for the good stuff. Don’t be impulsive.
It will take you longer to recover from a break up with the wrong guy. It takes me an average of six months to recover from a breakup. Now multiply that by five, six exes. I was able to find a good guy within a year. It may seem long but is nothing compared to the recovery time from bad decisions. Waiting is worth it.
Good guys want to know that they are special to you, not that you date everyone out of boredom. Dating is a two-way street. You want a good guy to treat you well. He wants his efforts to be going towards someone who sees that he’s special. If you date everyone without giving yourself a break, you won’t be able to make the right one feel special. Just hold off and you’ll thank yourself later.
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