If you love someone and want to be together forever, you’ll probably want to make it official at some point. However, if you have to trick your partner into committing, it might be best to consider breaking up instead.
Sure, an ultimatum can work in some cases. Sometimes a person may be ready for commitment but they just need a little push because they fear change or because they’re nervous to repeat the mistakes of their divorced parents or something like that. Giving your partner a little nudge to commit may lead to a happy relationship in certain situations, but to me, it’s not worth the risk that comes with it.
If your partner is hesitant, it means they’re not ready, period. If your significant other is reluctant to move your relationship forward, there’s clearly a reason why. It means they’re not comfortable taking the next step yet. If you have to stiff arm someone into settling down, it’s not exactly a positive start to forever in my eyes.
Your partner will most likely feel trapped. They’ll feel like they didn’t have a choice in the matter if they’re cornered before they feel ready, even if they knew they wanted commitment eventually. They’ll most likely feel like they’ve had to give something up and might come to resent you for it. They also might act out in frustration.
You’ll probably end up unhappy too. You might find that you have to coerce your partner into other decisions as well, like having children. You’ll be frustrated that you’re not on the same page and that your partner isn’t who you want them to be. I have a friend who’s always pushing her partner into taking the next step and she’s miserable. I’d rather be with someone who wants the same things as I do.
You’ll always have doubts. When I love someone, I want that person to be happy too. How can you be sure your partner is going to be content down the road if you have to force them into committing? I’d always be worried that the path I’ve taken with my partner isn’t what the other person truly wanted.
It might eventually end the relationship. Marriage isn’t easy even when both partners are 100% ready, so it won’t help if one is having doubts at the very start. Pressuring your partner to commit might leave you stuck in a miserable marriage, and then you have to get divorced instead of simply breaking up. I just don’t see the point in forcing a commitment on someone that doesn’t want it. I’d rather find someone who does.
To avoid this problem, really examine why your partner doesn’t want to settle down. Don’t blindly charge your relationship forward. Instead, try to understand why your partner is being hesitant. Is it that they have reservations about you? Or is it more of an internal struggle that can be overcome? Figuring out exactly what they’re having a hard time with will help you decide if it’s something that you can work through or if it might be time to split.
Honest communication is also essential to prevent this issue. Your partner needs to understand from the beginning what you want out of the relationship and what exactly your expectations are. I think it’s perfectly OK to tell your partner that you want a commitment by a certain point if things are going well. If you’re on the same page then that’s great. If your partner doesn’t want the same thing, at least you’ll know it and can make a decision from there.
Even if you have no other relationship problems, it doesn’t mean it’s meant to be. If you’re holding onto the relationship because it seems perfect and commitment avoidance is the only point of contention, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should stay in the relationship. If you’re not getting what you want and don’t see it happening unless you have to force it, it’s probably best to break up.
Accept the relationship for what it is or move on. Marriage doesn’t have to be the ultimate goal in life. It’s possible to feel fulfilled without marriage, and no one should be pressured into it. Accept your partner and your relationship for what it is or find someone else that has the same goals. It may be difficult initially, but it’ll be worth it to avoid heartache in the end.
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