I Forced A Ghoster To Give Me Closure And Regretted It

When a guy I was mad about ghosted me, I felt so rejected and hurt but I was also really pissed off. I wasn’t going to let it go without getting closure, but I didn’t know it would come at a huge price. Here’s what happened.

  1. I texted him to find out what was up. The first stage of being ghosted is usually denial. I didn’t understand why he’d deleted me from his social media accounts, so I dropped him a text to find out. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it went unanswered, so I sent him another message asking him to call me when he had a chance. He continued to ignore me.
  2. I refused to be ignored. I knew I was being ghosted but I wouldn’t accept it. I didn’t deserve such crappy behavior! I decided to continue texting him to get answers instead of just moving on with life. I needed to know why he was doing this and what had happened to change his mind about me.
  3. Looking back, I cringe at my actions. I really shouldn’t have chased him but I did for days. My texts went from confused to sad, and finally to angry. I told him that he was a huge coward for not telling me that he wanted to end things. We’d been dating for three months. Surely I deserved more respect than that? In reality, I should have found a way to deal with the rejection I experienced and just moved on.
  4. One day, he finally texted me. After my rampage, he must have realized I wasn’t going to let this go. He texted me and said that he would answer whatever questions I had. Just like that, he was now going to give me closure. I took advantage of the opportunity and asked him what happened to change his mind about me.
  5. I wasn’t expecting such a nightmare. I wanted the truth and boy, did I get it. He opened his heart to me. In 20 lines of text, he told me that he liked me when he’d first started dating me but as time went by, he realized that we weren’t right for each other. I wasn’t adventurous enough and he was an adrenaline junkie. He also thought that I wasn’t as pretty as his exes were. Um, what?!
  6. Was he just trying to hurt me? Was this his way of getting revenge on me for how I’d been hounding him for answers? I couldn’t help but feel he really believed what he said to me, though, because I remember seeing pics of his exes and feeling insecure. But maybe he was preying on my insecurities. Ugh, I don’t know. All I know is that his words were supposed to make me feel better about why he went AWOL on me, but he was making me feel much worse.
  7. I regretted making contact. Clearly, this guy was a jerk. However, I had wanted an answer from him and now I had it. It made me feel like crap, though. I regretted asking for closure. It set me back more than when I hadn’t received any answers. Now, I felt like I had more issues to deal with before I could move on.
  8. No answer is the best answer. I’ve realized that not having an answer or closure from someone is sometimes the best thing. Some truths we don’t need to know, especially when the person delivering them is quite mean. In addition, why should I beg someone to give me answers and closure when they don’t have the decency to respect me in the way that I deserve? I had been so desperate to get answers from this guy, but that just gave him all the power. Screw that!
  9. I will give myself closure. This situation taught me that sometimes I can give myself closure when a relationship ends because someone ghosted me. And you know what? If I can’t give myself closure, I can still move on. That’s actually the best thing for me.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.