Forget Ghosting—Caspering Is The Decent Way To End It With Someone You’re Not Feeling

Ghosting is by far one of the worst dating trends ever, but there’s a newer, friendlier alternative going around and it just might be the best thing ever. Basically, you tell the person you’re not really feeling it but leave them with a compliment or word of encouragement for their future dates. Nice, right? Here’s why Caspering is where it’s at.

  1. It holds people accountable. Ghosting makes it very easy for people to just disappear and for some reason, the person who was ghosted has to pretend like it doesn’t bother them. Let’s be honest here—it never feels nice to experience this, so why can’t we just say something? People who Casper are taking responsibility for themselves and their behavior and proving they’re not garbage people. It’s a good thing.
  2. It gives the person you’re not interested in dating some closure. One of the worst parts of dealing with a ghost is the door they leave open to become zombies. Yeah, that’s when a ghost returns from the depths to spark a relationship back up. In fact, that opportunity is probably the reason many guys choose this form of “breaking up” in the first place. If a guy tells you he’s just not feeling it and decides to back out (or vice versa), everyone knows where they stand and can move on.
  3. It shows compassion and general human decency. At the end of the day, we’re all just looking for someone to love who will love us back, right? Showing a little compassion in the process would make for a more delightful dating scene (or at least a less painful one). It would be much easier for people not to feel so jaded or bummed out if everyone treated each other like they have value. We’re all human and all deserving of being treated with compassion and respect, neither of which come with ghosting someone.
  4. There’s less guilt involved for ghosters with some semblance of a conscience. You’ve probably ghosted someone yourself before and it didn’t feel good. There’s this false notion that the person who cuts the cord doesn’t have to deal with the emotions of the breakup, but more often than not, that simply isn’t true. Maybe the emotions aren’t nearly as intense, but the guilt of hurting someone is still there. Not to mention that you’ll feel weak for not having the guts to face the person you are cutting ties with. Caspering solves all that.
  5. You may end up meeting a new friend. Whether you’re the one doing the Caspering or the one on the receiving end, having some direct communication about the lack of romance makes it possible for the two of you to be friends. If there was great platonic chemistry there, why can’t you have a new friend in your life? You can never have enough of those.
  6. It’s the least you can do for someone you respect. How hard is it to show a little respect? Why does it seem like one of the hardest things for daters to do? From the bedroom to the breakup, everyone wants to be treated with a little bit a dignity. Even if it’s the most undesirable person you’ve ever had the misfortune of going out with, they’re still human and they deserve to be treated with courtesy.
  7. It proves you’re ready for an adult relationship. How can you be really sure you’re ready for a mature relationship? Look at the way you ended your last relationship or situationship. If you actually told the other person that you didn’t want to see them anymore or gave them some sort of explanation for why it was ending, congrats, you’re an adult. That’s right; grown-ups own up to their feelings, good and bad.
  8. It leaves a better impression. What’s the impression you want to leave in the dating world? A positive one, I imagine. When you Casper instead of ghost, you’re proving you have strong character. No, the relationship may not have worked out, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. When you ghost someone, you’re always in the wrong, and it leaves room for people to question your character as well as your maturity.
  9. It means way fewer awkward run-ins in the future. Picture this; you’re out with your friends and there he is, the guy you ghosted. Oh yeah, he totally sees you. Could there be anything worse? Just because you disappeared on him doesn’t mean he ceased to exist. We can promise you this is going to either lead to some darting eyes or an awkward conversation that could have been avoided altogether if you’d just told him you weren’t that into him in the first place!
  10. It gives single people hope. Caspering illustrates one very important thing: that there’s finally a shift in dating culture. People are starting to actually see one another as humans that have emotions. Daters are finally beginning to date responsibly, and when our hearts are on the line, that’s all we ask for!