Forget Ghosting — Have You Been Zombied?

As if ghosting isn’t bad enough, now you have to worry about getting zombied. It’s when a guy who ghosted you returns to try to reignite your relationship, bringing with him all the old emotions you thought were dead and gone. Are you being taken for a ride by a guy who’s empty inside? Here’s how to tell:

1. He’s been gone for weeks or months. A guy who goes AWOL for a few days and then returns is bad enough, but a ghoster is a guy who will disappear from your life completely — in RL and social media — for weeks or even months at a time. Then suddenly he comes back and you can’t help wondering WTF is going on because it’s so random.
2. Things got too heavy too fast the first time around. When you and the zombie first got together, things got hot really fast. This is usually a sign that something’s wrong or that the guy isn’t going to maintain his fiery interest in you. If that was the case then and now the guy is making a comeback, you have to wonder if he’s just back for the chase all over again.
3. He never actually made things official before. Things were sexy AF the first time, but you actually didn’t become his GF. Zombies don’t have hearts, so they’re not in this for love and they’re not going to be trying to make you theirs. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have gone AWOL the first time around. No guy who truly likes you will do that, ever.
4. He makes you feel hopeful now. Of course, the zombie’s return to your life has to be persuasive. He’s going to make you feel hopeful about a relationship with him. Cue lots of compliments and expressions of interest in you. He may even claim he’s ready now or that he just had to “sort some crap out in [his] head.” Don’t fall for it.
5. He pretends nothing major happened. What’s the difference between a guy who genuinely made a big mistake by letting you go and wants to fix it and a guy who’s a zombie? The latter isn’t going to take any responsibility for what he did because in his eyes, he didn’t do anything wrong.
6. He’s all about himself. Zombies are empty, so don’t expect him to be sensitive to your emotions. Check for things he says that show you he’s back for his own needs, like if he talks about what he wants and how he feels without caring much about what you went through during the time he was away.
7. He wants a second chance but doesn’t try to worthy of it. Zombies are highly skilled at making you think they care, so expect him to talk plenty of crap about how he wants a second chance but without any actions to back it up and prove to you that you can actually rely on him.
8. He’s super charming. The reason why zombies often get their way is that they will appear to be amazing men, often even more amazing than they were the first time you dated. Expect lots of charm and chivalry. Instead of feeling that he’s come around and is a better man, be suspicious because anything OTT is a sign that he’s a zombie in Prince Charming disguise.
9. You feel empty despite all his grand gestures. That empty feeling that zombies carry around because they don’t have anything to offer someone in a relationship can easily rub off on you. Instead of getting blinded by his fancy words, take a look into your feelings. If you feel empty about his return, that’s a sign that you know how this will end: he’ll be running away again.
10. He’s showing shady signs. A zombie never changes. He might be stuck to you like glue at the moment and appear to want a real shot with you, but then he’ll take ages to reply to your texts or missed calls. When that happens, you need to GTFO. He’s messed you around enough and you’re not going to allow yourself to feel for someone who doesn’t even know how to feel.
11. He comes back in an unromantic way. Repeat after me: social media is not a good enough way of showing interest in someone. That being said, it’s a preferred method of reigniting contact for the zombie because he gets to hide behind a computer screen. He might “like” your Facebook post or comment on how good you look on Instagram, but it lacks depth and it’s quite insulting to think that this is all he has to do to crawl back into your good books. NOPE.