Forget My Soulmate — Here’s How I Found Myself

It’d be great to find a guy I’m compatible enough with to build a future with, but if it never happens, that’s fine by me. Life for me isn’t about finding “The One” or my “soulmate,” it’s about learning to love myself and being the best version of me there is. Sure, having a partner by my side would be an awesome bonus, but that’s definitely not my main goal. Here’s how I stopped worrying about Prince Charming and became my own knight in shining armor:

  1. I started dating myself. I’m not talking about a pampering night in with a face mask and a movie (though I enjoy those too). I started taking myself out to dinner, to a movie, or hell, even ice skating. At first, it seemed scary to do these things alone and I felt a bit insecure, but afterward, I realized how totally and completely liberating it was to enjoy life to the fullest instead of sitting on the sidelines since I didn’t have a partner by my side.
  2. I quit whining. As good as a major vent session feels (and we all need one every once in a while), it can so easily turn into a full-on pity party, and that’s exactly what was happening with me. The problem with that is whining doesn’t help anything. In fact, the negativity usually made me feel worse and by the end, I was ready to dive into a pool of cheese puffs and vodka. Once I quit complaining and stopped feeling bad for myself, my whole life began to change.
  3. I switched up my surroundings. Not everyone can just pick up and move to a brand new city like I was lucky enough to be able to do, but even going to a new coffee shop or trying out yoga for the first time was enough to change up my whole outlook at times. New surroundings are always good and they always gave me a fresh perspective when I started to feel frustrated or jaded.
  4. I did the things that always scared me. There were things I always wanted to do but never had the guts for. I decided to push myself to do all the things that terrified me and the very act of overcoming that fear by facing it head-on made me realize just how strong and capable I am, and that boost to my self-confidence was incomparable.
  5. I traveled. In addition to actually moving my home to a new place, I spent time traveling to cities and countries around the world, which not only taught me so much about how people live but about myself too. My mind was constantly expanding as it experienced new and different things, and meeting people from so many different walks of life really gave me a real sense of perspective and appreciation for all I have.
  6. I figured out what I wanted and went out and got it. I had hobbies and passions for years that I never really thought much about, but it turned out that they were the key to me figuring out what I want out of life. Once I figured that out, I was free and empowered to go out and get it. I realized that I’m the one responsible for my own happiness and for creating the life I want, and knowing that really inspired me to get out there and do it.
  7. I read biographies of people who inspired me. One of the best ways to learn about yourself is to learn about others. Learning about those who inspired me, whether they were my friends, family, friends or public figures, really helped me figure out what I wanted and get focused on my goals.
  8. I started treating myself with the same care and consideration as I treat my friends. Too often, we’re incredibly nice, giving, kind and loyal to our friends but we don’t offer the same courtesy to ourselves. Enough of that. I decided to let go of all the self-deprecating thoughts and accept myself as I am, flaws and all. I began supporting and encouraging myself and giving myself the same level of consideration I show my BFFs, and the difference was nearly immediate.
  9. I worked through my insecurities. The best way to find our truest, loveliest selves is to figure out your deepest insecurities and light those suckers on fire, so that’s exactly what I did. I was grumpy, exhausted and totally emotionally stunted from holding onto all the things I hated about myself, but no more. I let it all go and learned my own worth, and I’m so glad I did.
  10. I got real about my baggage. I’m a great person, but I’m also not perfect — nobody is. Getting real about my issues  allowed me to own them and approach relationships and my life in general with much more honesty, confidence, and power.
Piper is a NYC-based writer who loves dogs, iced coffee, and calling people out on their BS.