Have You Forgotten Your Worth? 12 Signs You Need To Revamp Your Self-Esteem

Self-worth can be sneaky. One minute, you feel confident and empowered and the next, you’re totally not noticing that you’re bringing yourself down all the time and thinking you don’t deserve good things in life. If any of these 12 points sound familiar, you’re dealing with low self-worth and need to make some changes.

  1. You don’t speak up. If you don’t feel worthy to express your opinion, criticism, or feelings, then something’s seriously wrong. Either you have low self-esteem that needs to be looked at or you’re dating someone who tears you down for having your own thoughts and feelings. Red flag!
  2. You’ve become a people pleaser. You might not realize that when you say “yes” and “no problem” to every request that you’re not just being kind, you’re becoming a doormat. Here’s how to tell for sure: you think so little of yourself that you don’t mind sacrificing yourself for others.
  3. You’ve erased your boundariesWithout boundaries in place, you can’t have a healthy relationship. You’ll get mistreated and taken advantage of. If you’ve neglected your boundaries or just never set them, you’re not realizing your own value. A woman who knows her worth will draw up certain lines around herself. If someone crosses them, she won’t allow them into her life or heart. It’s about self-preservation.
  4. You’ve downgraded in the boyfriend department. Look at the types of guys you’ve been dating lately. If they’re all toxic, abusive, or not your up to your usual standard in some other way, then you’ve downgraded in dating. The question is why? Do you feel that you can’t attract a great guy who treats you with respect? Think of what you have to offer! Don’t believe your negative self-talk.
  5. You don’t have your own goalsYou used to have goals and dreams that you were excited to achieve, but now that you’re in a relationship, you’re more focused on your partner’s dreams. While it’s good to have some common dreams to work towards as a team, you shouldn’t neglect your identity in the process.
  6. You feel like your partner is smarter than you. You can’t help but feel that your partner is more intelligent than you. This could make you feel that you shouldn’t express yourself, but that’s ridiculous. There are so many different kinds of intelligence and different people are smart in different ways. By selling yourself short, you’re basically saying, “I’m not good enough in any way.”
  7. You don’t do what makes you happy. When last did you do something that brought you immense joy? It might be something small like going for coffee by yourself or walking along a beach at sunrise. It might be spending time with your best friends, or curling up with a good book. Whatever it is that brings you happiness, if you’re not giving yourself time to enjoy it, that’s a sign you don’t value what’s important to you. You’re pushing your joy aside, and for what?
  8. It’s all about what your partner wants to do. You might want to go horse riding but he’s keen to watch the soccer match. If you put your partner’s needs and wants ahead of yours all the time, that not only leads to resentment, it makes you lose your sense of self-worth. Over time, you’ll start believing that his needs, big and small, are more important than yours. Don’t take it lightly when you choose to do what he wants to do… again.
  9. You’re always surprised when something good happens to you. When the universe decides to throw you something great instead of a curveball, you can’t help but go, “Really? Me?” You might even find that you experience anxiety and stress when something good happens, almost as though you’re afraid to be trusted with success. Don’t think so little of yourself. You deserve all the great things life has to offer.
  10. You can’t do anything without asking what your partner thinks. You want to invest money, take up studies, or get a totally different haircut. But you won’t make a move unless you’ve spoken to your partner about it. If this happens regularly, you might have a problem on your hands. Although it’s great to get objective feedback on your future choices and just share what you’re planning to do with someone you love, it’s another thing completely if you’re letting him determine what you do and don’t do. Trust yourself more!
  11. You don’t take timeouts. When last did you spend some time tuning into your thoughts and feelings? If you don’t do this, it’s easy to start believing the negative self-talk in your head (read: junk) without even realizing that you’re doing it! It might be a good idea to wear an elastic band around your wrist and snap it every time you express a thought that’s negative about yourself. You might be amazed at how many of those you have! Once you’re aware of them, you can challenge them.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.