What To Do When Your Friend Is The Crazy Ex

What To Do When Your Friend Is The Crazy Ex ©iStock/Andreipugach

Love makes normally sane people do crazy things. It can make a normally chill friend turn into a raging psycho at times, and while we all hope it won’t happen to one of our BFFs, there’s always a chance that one of them will go a bit nuts after a breakup. If you notice that she’s beginning to lose her marbles, you need to do something about it and help her out.

  1. Assess the damage. Find out what’s actually going on. Your friend might seem like she’s going off the deep end, but there are two sides to every story, and if her ex is antagonizing her or acting like a loser, her behavior might be a bit more understandable. Either way, you need to come up with a plan.
  2. Have a “come to Jesus” talk with her to bring her back down to earth. Someone needs to give her a reality check, and it might as well be you. Let her know you’re there for her, but also that things can’t continue the way they’ve been going because it’s making her look like a psychopath. Hopefully, that’ll start to snap her back to reality.
  3. Try to bring some humor to the situation. Crack a few jokes about restraining orders and prison sentences for stalking. That’ll probably make her laugh, but will also hopefully make her realize that she’s in the danger zone if she doesn’t get her crap together.
  4. Don’t support her bad behavior. This means no spying on her behalf, no telling her what’s going on with her ex, and not inviting her to places where you know he’s going to be. If she’s slamming him online, don’t “Like” those posts. Don’t give her the impression that you are supporting her bad behavior, but do give the impression that you support her. The less ammunition and encouragement you give her, the more likely it is that she’ll cut it out.
  5. Distract, distract, distract. The funny thing about going through an “obsessive ex-girlfriend” moment is that it is best allayed by distracting her. Get her talking about things that aren’t related to her ex. Take her out to a movie. Hell, let her vent out all that angst at an arcade. The bottom line here is to get her mind off of it as much as possible.
  6. Just be there for her and sympathize. She’s hurting right now, and she needs to vent, so be there while she does. Let her cry, scream, moan, etc. Offer her a drink, and if she has one too many, be a designated driver. Try to get her mind off the pain. When your friend is really going crazy, this can take a bit longer than most other breakups. Try to be patient with her, OK?
  7. Try to do some damage control on her behalf. If she’s constantly badgering people about her ex’s whereabouts, try to do a little pre-emptive damage control. You might want to explain to others that she’s going through a rough breakup, and that they probably shouldn’t say much. If she’s getting blitzed at a club, be a good friend and get her out of there before she causes a scene.
  8. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. There’s something to be said about being able to embrace the crazy at times. If all she’s doing is ranting about how men are evil, just agree with her until she stops ranting. If it helps her cope, it’s OK to temporarily be part of the She-Woman Man-Haters Club.
  9. Don’t be afraid of trying to hook her up with a fling or rebound. Believe it or not, this is often the best way to get rid of a lot of the “crazy ex” thing altogether. It can show her that she’s still got it, and that there are other fish in the sea. And, she might also use it as ammo to make her ex jealous, too.
  10. Reward good behavior. When you notice that she’s beginning to be a bit more sane about her behavior, congratulate her on it. Sometimes, that positive reinforcement really helps.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.