It’s one of those things I never wanted to happen: competing with my friend for the same guy we were crushing on. Unfortunately, that nightmare come true and it ended up destroying our friendship.
I kinda forgot about her when he came along. My friend and I were working together when a gorgeous and sweet new guy started in our office. Immediately, he became my biggest interest. I knew that she, like most of the other women in the office, found him attractive but I didn’t think she liked him as much as I did.
She fell hard for him. After months of building a friendship with him, I realized she was doing the same thing. He asked us both out to a party and I was stoked, thinking maybe something would happen for us. I had no idea she was hoping the same thing for herself. In the ladies’ room, she bluntly asked me if I was into him. I tried to play it cool because I could tell by how she’d asked that she was interested in him and probably wanted to know if I was going to be her competition. Well, guess what?
We became each other’s competition. It was an unspoken “game on” between us. When we hung out with the guy, we were both on our best behavior, being sweet and funny and charming. He probably loved the attention he was getting from both of us!
Needless to say, it was exhausting. Being “on” the whole time while watching him for any signs that he was into her more than me was really draining. It wasn’t fun and sometimes I just wanted to know if he actually even liked either of us. I ended up getting an answer sooner than I expected and it wasn’t the one I wanted…
He asked her out but I didn’t find out from her. I had to find out through the office gossip that he asked my friend out on a date. Ugh. She never even told me! That was actually the most hurtful part, even more so than not getting the guy.
It was my turn to confront her. I told her that I’d heard she was going on a date with the guy and she blushed. I asked her why she didn’t tell me, especially when we’d been friends for years. She admitted that it was because she knew I was into him and I couldn’t even deny it.
It made me bitter. I knew that she meant well and wanted to spare my feelings but honestly, it also felt like she was pitying me. I became bitter, especially because I couldn’t just avoid them. Working in the same office space meant that I was always witnessing them giving each other PDA and laughing. The sound of her giggling made me want to tear my hair out. It was becoming really annoying, and I have to admit, I didn’t know if our friendship would survive.
I realized how much I liked him. Yes, competing with and ultimately losing a friend over a guy really sucked, but losing the guy also made me realize just how much I liked him. Seeing him looking so gorgeous and being so sweet around my friend, his new girlfriend, was torture. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to continue working at the company.
I shut down. I couldn’t help but feel bitter and jealous. Even though I tried to be happy for my friend, it wasn’t always easy to show it. Sometimes I just wanted to confide in her about how crappy the rejection had felt and it sucked that I couldn’t. I started to isolate myself. I didn’t want to be around her because he was always with her so I found myself turning down invitations to hang out. After a while, my friend asked me what was up. She thought I was being mean and unsupportive of her relationship and I guess I was.
What was I supposed to do? I mean, I felt for him just as much as she did! What was I supposed to do with those feelings? Why was it up to me to put on a smile and try to be cool with everything? I had to be honest. I was feeling negative about the whole situation.
She started fading me out. Hey, I can’t say I blame her. It was actually a relief for her to be the one to pull away because put less pressure on me. When she wasn’t in my life, neither was he and it was much easier to deal with everything. At the office, my friend and I were polite to each other but that was the end of it.
We never really got back on track. Although we tried to go back to being such great friends, it just wasn’t happening for either of us. It sucked but it was just one of those things. Sadly, a guy came between us, but that wasn’t entirely true. I guess we allowed it to happen. Neither of us really knew how else to deal with the situation.
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