My Friend Keeps Going Back To Her Toxic Ex And It’s Driving Me Insane

Some people really sell themselves short when it comes to the partners they think they deserve, and my friend is definitely one of them. She’s amazing in so many ways, but she still keeps going back to her loser ex, and for the life of me I can’t understand why.

  1. She deserves so much better than him. I love my friend and that’s why I think she deserves a man that will love her and treat her right. This dude is never going to be that kind of guy, though. They’ve developed a pattern where he does one nice thing and she somehow lets it make up for the infinite crappy things he does to her. She deserves better than him, but she’s too blinded by love to see that.
  2. He brings out the worst in her. Deep down, my friend is a good person, but you wouldn’t know that considering the way she acts when she’s with him. He’s beneath her, but somehow she lets him drag her down to his level. He’s a guy with a court-required job and is still a dealer on the side. She might accept his flaws (which to me is an understated word in his case), but the worst part is he’s dragging her down too.
  3. He treats her like crap. I’m not only worried about her heart — I’m worried about her health and her safety. The guy has a serious history of breaking hearts and being in abusive relationships. I’m not just a friend worried about her getting played. I’m worried about serious emotional and physical harm that she might never be able to come back from, but no matter what he does, she defends him.
  4. She thinks she’s going to “change” him. I don’t know why she’s stick stuck in her bad boy phase. I wish she’d just grow up and date a good guy for a change. Despite the fact that he’s shown no progress or even interest in bettering himself, she still thinks he’s going to change. The worst part is that it’s her deepest desire for him to change for her, and she doesn’t realize that if people actually change they do it for themselves.
  5. He’s left her way too many times. One minute they’re living together and the next, he’s packed up, left her, and openly saying he doesn’t love her anymore. This hasn’t happened just once, but multiple times. I don’t know how she doesn’t realize that if he left her once, twice, and so on, he’s just going to keep doing it over and over again.
  6. At the end of the day, she just looks desperate. It’s like no matter what he does to her, she’s just going to keep taking him back. What she needs to learn is that if she can’t stand up for herself, then he’s just going to continue to walk all over her. She’s an amazing girl with so much to offer, but going back to a guy who treats you like crap is just plain desperate no matter who you are.
  7. He has no redeeming qualities. I’m not the only one who feels this way. She’s lost a lot of friends over this guy, and her family hates him too. She’s putting a guy who treats her like she’s nothing above everything and everyone else in her life, and that’s something I just can’t understand.
  8. He’ll never love her the way she wants to be loved. She wants a romance like in the movies. Not exactly a fairy tale, but more like a drama. The ups and downs excite her, but she thinks they’re all leading up to some big romantic gesture. She thinks that eventually, he’ll stop being a player and a bad boy to settle down and reform himself for the only woman he loves. She’s living in a fantasy, but the reality is that he’s nothing more than a selfish jerk and always will be.
  9. She doesn’t know how to be on her own. The truth is she’s afraid of being alone. She’s never been able to live the single life to the fullest and truly be independent. The second he leaves her life, she has another guy in line for the time being. She always has to have someone by her side, and that’s why she can’t let him go.
  10. She doesn’t see herself the way I see her. If she did, I know that she’d never be with a guy like that. She has a false sense of confidence. She’s beautiful, but she needs to constantly be reminded of that. She’s smart, but she lacks ambition. At the end of the day, she doesn’t know her true potential and until she does, she’ll just keep settling.
  11. She doesn’t realize that sometimes love isn’t enough. It doesn’t matter how much she loves him if that love isn’t properly returned. I hate that she keeps going through so much pain, but I also have to remember that she’s doing it to herself. Deep down I think she knows he’ll never change, and she doesn’t realize that no matter how much she loves him, she’ll never truly be happy with a man who treats her like crap.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.