I Put Him In The Friend Zone And Then I Fell For Him

I thought I didn’t like the guy when we first went out in a romantic way, but then once I put him in the friend zone, I started questioning my decision and ultimately decided that he was the perfect partner for me.

  1. I always worry about missing out. I have a fear of missing out on good experiences. With this guy, I worried I had made a mistake. Even though I knew I didn’t like him in that way, I feared that I had been too hasty.
  2. He was one of the good guys. It’s really hard to find a good guy these days. Often, it feels like they’re totally extinct. This friend of mine was a really solid, awesome guy. I had a lot of fun with him and could always depend on him. Then the latter was put to the test.
  3. I got stuck. One day, I was driving home from work when my car tire burst. Luckily, I didn’t end up in an accident, but I was stuck on the side of the road and I was pretty shaken. My boyfriend at the time was on holiday so I couldn’t ask him for help. The only person who I knew would come to help me was my friend.
  4. He was there in a few minutes. This guy wasted no time! He didn’t want me to have to wait on the side of the road in the darkness, so he dropped everything and rushed over to me. He helped me with my car and made sure I was okay.
  5. Wait, what’s that feeling? He was so kind and sweet, I couldn’t help but start to feel something in the pit of my stomach. It was like a warmth that was spreading through my body. I was impressed, not just because he’d come to my rescue but because he had always been genuine with me. He could’ve bounced out of my life after I told him I wasn’t interested in him romantically but he didn’t. Our friendship was important to him and he was still the same guy. He could’ve become an a-hole, as so many people do when they don’t get what they want, but not him.
  6. He had all the qualities I wanted. Honestly, sometimes it felt like he was more the type of guy I wanted to date than the actual guy I was currently dating who was out of town for a while. I kicked myself. After the car incident, I found myself kicking myself a lot. How had I rejected such a great guy?
  7. He made things worse. A weird thing was happening. Not only was my friend such a great guy, but he was becoming even more amazing. Suddenly, when I hung out with him, he was looking so good. Had he cut his hair or grown more stubble? No. But there was just something juicier about him.
  8. He didn’t change but I did. It was clear that he was still the same guy inside and out, but something had changed within me. I found myself noticing all the qualities about him that I had ignored. Now they were like giant lights flashing at me! I couldn’t ignore them anymore.
  9. I couldn’t shake a certain feeling. I started wondering, “Was I just interested in this guy because I couldn’t have him?” Sometimes the thing one has rejected becomes attractive all of a sudden. But I don’t think that was it. I think I took him for granted for a while, and now I was realizing that I lost out on a chance with a great guy who would treat me well. WTF was wrong with me?
  10. I told him i was having second thoughts. I didn’t want to waste more of our time, so I opened up to him and told him that I had feelings for him. I apologized for rejected him and told him that I honestly wanted to date him.
  11. He crushed me. He was unsure about dating me. This shocked me but I knew he wasn’t being manipulative or playing games by telling me this. He was genuinely uncertain if he could trust my sudden change of heart. Then he said something that really tore my heart open.
  12. He wished I’d been sure. He said clearly that I wasn’t sure about him when he first asked me out, and that’s what he couldn’t move past. He wanted someone who knew that they wanted him immediately, without having to go home to think about it. I couldn’t argue with him, really.
  13. He was right. At first, I rejected his words. I told him he was wrong and I hadn’t been uncertain. Then I realized that was silly of me. He was right. One doesn’t put someone in the friend zone lightly! I should’ve known that I wanted him without having to think about it. Who knows? Maybe if we had got together romantically I would’ve liked him for a few weeks before realizing that I had only been after the chase. But that’s the killer: I’ll never know. It sucks.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.