Going through a tough breakup is made even worse when your closest friends betray you. When my supposed BFFs stabbed me in the back and sided with my ex after our split, it hurt more than I could have ever imagined.
There was no betrayal involved, so there really wasn’t a “right” and “wrong” side.
Sometimes relationships just end. People drift apart. As it happens, my ex was the one who left me but it was a clean break. If I’d cheated on him, I would’ve maybe understood if my BFFs were to take his side. Still, even then I’d have hoped they’d be non-judgmental and understanding with me. If he’d cheated on me, well… As it happened, I was just really sad and quite shocked when he left me. I needed my friends to help me through and that just didn’t happen.
I really needed someone to bitch to.
Being angry at your ex and bitching about him is a healthy part of the breakup process as far as I’m concerned. The last thing I needed was my friends wanting to take the high road whenever I wanted to work through my feelings. They just didn’t want to hear a bad word about him at all. Even now, when I’m long over my breakup with him, I get annoyed when I think about this. What are friends for if you can’t trust them to be there for you when you’re hurt and angry?
The last thing you want to hear from your friends is that your ex is actually fine without you.
He can’t be OK—we just broke up. Yeah, I know objectively he did nothing wrong, but being a good friend means letting a girl vent when she has to and helping her work through her own stuff. Sometimes you just have to ride the waves of someone else’s moods before everything settles down.
I’ve known them for longer and was the one to introduce him to the group.
It’s not like we all knew each other from before I started dating this guy. I can totally understand the awkwardness of having two people in your group fall out or break up when you’ve known them both forever but they never would’ve met him if it weren’t for me. I’d have expected more loyalty than this.
I thought BFFs were forever.
Isn’t that literally the definition of BFFs? I never once thought the women I considered my friends would abandon me in my time of need. My ex and I are no longer on bad terms but I’m done with these girls. I’ve never forgiven them and don’t think I ever will.
It was a gradual thing which for some reason hurt even more.
The women I thought of as my BFFs just slowly drifted away from me. They stopped calling, they slowly but surely stopped inviting me to things, and some started being really bad at returning my calls. I later found out that they’d all stayed in touch with my ex. WTF?
I stopped getting invitations to events my ex would be attending.
We all know how awkward it is when your two friends who’ve recently broken up turn up at the same event. Well, my so-called BFFs got around that by never inviting me to things at all. He got first priority invites to bars, birthday parties, movie nights and whatever else. I wouldn’t have even found out about these if it weren’t for the few friends I still had.
Some of these girls actually stopped talking to me.
I guess they decided they had to choose one person and they didn’t choose me. It took a while for me to realize this was happening because nobody actually came out and told me outright that they’re no longer interested in my friendship. That was clearly the case, though.
I thought maybe they were interested in him but they’re not, which makes the whole thing even weirder.
It’s weird when your friends choose your ex over you. It really makes you wonder whether there’s more there than meets the eye. I have to admit I got really paranoid for a while. I was convinced my ex had been secretly cheating on me with one of my friends. I had no idea which one it could be so I suspected all of them. I even thought the others might be covering up for her, which is why they’d all started avoiding me. As it happens, this was all in my head. It seems they just preferred his company and me being around just made it awkward for them.
I’m grateful for the true friends I still have who stuck by me through the breakup.
It wasn’t all bad. Some of my friends did stick around and acted like true BFFs, but I had no idea it would only be a couple of friends who’d stay with me. I put my trust in the wrong people and when the moment came when I needed them, I found out the hard way about the true meaning of the term “fair weather friends.” Ugh.
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