I used to think that staying in touch with exes was bad news for your current relationship, but that’s not really the case. My boyfriend and I got over our jealousy when it comes to each other’s former flames being in our lives, and it’s actually made our bond stronger.
- We have nothing to hide. Everyone’s tempted to sneak a peek at their significant other’s messages from time to time, and if you’re not upfront about who you’re talking to, that can lead to some painful discoveries. I know I’ve definitely felt my stomach sink when seeing her name on his screen. But if you’re honest with each other from the beginning, then there’s no room for nasty revelations or the ensuing confrontation.
- We acknowledge that we both have pasts. I love my BF, but we both know there were others that came before. It feels weird to pretend that we never dated anyone else or to not be aware of each other’s exes. We’re not that fragile or insecure.
- We learn more about each other. Our exes are as much part of who we were in the past as who we are today. I’ve learned TONS from my previous relationships and those experiences have helped shape how I act in my current one. By learning more about our relationship histories, my S.O. and I also get to know each other better.
- It’s normal to want to keep in touch. Obviously it’s not great to be talking every day, but at one point these people were a huge part of our lives. It’s OK to still want to know what’s going on with them and how they’re doing. Why should we lose people from our lives completely just because we’re no longer suited romantically?
- It shows maturity. Being able to maintain a civil relationship with an ex is an important part of being an adult. By showing that he can still talk to his exes without letting it affect our relationship, my BF also shows that he’s mature enough to be reasonable in other situations too. I feel even better about being with him, knowing that he treats other people in his life with respect.
- We prioritize friendships. Our relationship with each other is super important, but so are our friendships. We both want to make sure we keep space in our lives for our friends, even the ones we may previously have dated. It is actually possible for two people who dated to end their relationship on good terms and successfully transition to a friendship. Good friends are hard to find, so why one away when you find them?
- It reminds us what we’re NOT missing out on. For every ex, there’s a reason why we’re not still together. Thinking back on past relationships, it can be easy to only remember the good stuff and glamorize it in your head, especially if you’re going through a tricky time with your current S.O. But keeping in touch with them can remind you exactly why you don’t want to be with them anymore. With some exes, just a couple texts can make me thank my lucky stars I didn’t end up with that one.
- It highlights our compatibility with each other. In addition to making us glad we didn’t end up with our exes, being friends with them also highlights just how right my boyfriend and I are for each other. Most of our exes are in new relationships themselves and they’re much happier now with people better suited to them. We can honestly say the same about ourselves, and that feels really good.
