My girlfriends can’t stand my boyfriend. I’ve had friends not see eye to eye with guys I’ve dated before, but this is different. Thing is, I’m still crazy about him. How do I know that I’m not just blinded by love?
- I’m afraid of having “love goggles.” I’m a pretty level-headed girl normally, but I’ve been known to completely lose my head over a guy before. When I’m in a relationship, it’s impossible to take a step back and look at things rationally. How do I know that my feelings for him aren’t stopping me from seeing what he’s really like? I could stay in the dark forever unless something happens to split us up.
- I trust my friends’ judgment. My friends are reasonable people and it’s unlike them to dislike someone without cause. Does that mean they know something about my boyfriend that I don’t? Given that we normally see eye to eye, one of us is clearly wrong about him. Problem is, I have no idea of knowing if it’s me or them. I don’t want to break up with someone for no reason, but it bothers me to think that my friends don’t like him.
- What reasons could they have to dislike him? If my friends can’t give me any concrete reasons for disliking my boyfriend, should I bother to take them seriously? As far as I know, he’s never given them a reason not to like him, so what is it that they see that I can’t? Given that he’s never done anything to them, I have to assume they just don’t like us together.
- They have my best interests at heart. My friends have known me a long time and care about my feelings. Because of this, it’s easy to assume that their disliking my boyfriend comes from a place of wanting what’s best for me. My friends are my extended family and ultimately want me to be happy. If being with a guy they don’t like makes me happy, what am I supposed to do?
- I’ve been wrong about guys before. I’d dismiss my friends’ criticism much more easily if I hadn’t made mistakes like this in the past. I’ve dated some… let’s say “interesting” types that my friends have seen straight through all along—my a-hole radar isn’t quite as strong as I’d like. Knowing that my judgment is questionable, maybe it’s time I started handing over decisions about my love life to those with clearer heads.
- They don’t see who he is on his own. Thing is, in my experience guys only show their true personality in a one on one situation. I wouldn’t expect my guy to be the perfect boyfriend while he’s busy trying to impress his friends or mine, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t the perfect guy when it’s just me and him. Unless my friends have the power to be a fly on the wall when it’s just the two of us, they aren’t in a position to judge our relationship.
- You can be a questionable person but a great boyfriend. You can be a good person and a terrible boyfriend (I’ve dated my fair share of neglecting guys that made brilliant friends). Equally, just because you’re not the kindest or most exciting person generally, that doesn’t mean you should be written off when it comes to dating. Some of the loveliest guys I know would die before any of their friends found out what sweethearts they could be. Judging a guy by his actions in a group setting seems small-minded.
- If I’m happy, what does it matter? Surely the main question you should be asking about a friend’s boyfriend is “does he make her happy?” If the answer is yes, surely my friends should be happy for me? Anyway, they don’t have to like the guy enough to date him themselves, just to be supportive of my choices. We don’t all have the same taste in men, which to be honest is probably a good thing.
- True friends will stand by me no matter what. If a friend hates my boyfriend, it’s their fault if they let that be the end of a friendship. I don’t need my friends’ approval of the guys I date, it’s just nice to have if I can. A true friend will be able to tell me to my face that they don’t like my boyfriend then carry on being a great friend regardless of whatever happens in my love life. A friend that expects me to do what they say is no better than a controlling boyfriend.
- I have to make my own mistakes. OK, I admit it, I’ve been wrong about guys before. Thing is, my friends won’t be there to protect me all the time and at some point, I need the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. So yes, my friends can tell me they don’t like my boyfriend, but until I can see him from their point of view, I won’t change my relationship for them.
