My Friends Treat Me Differently Now That I’m In A Serious Relationship

For years, I spent the majority of my time single AF and I was fine with it. Then, when I was least expecting it, I met someone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years now and I’m extremely happy. There’s just one problem  — my friends treat me differently now that I’m in a long-term relationship.

  1. They suddenly think I have all the answers when it comes to dating. After we’d been dating for a bit, my friends started coming up to me to ask for advice. “He hasn’t texted me back, should I text him again?” “What do you think he meant when he said, ‘We should hang out soon?'” Let’s face it, I don’t have the answers. I got really lucky in one relationship. I definitely try to be as helpful as possible, but I don’t want to steer them in the wrong direction!
  2. I don’t get invited out as much. This definitely goes both ways. I’m sure there were times when I already had plans with the boyfriend and turned them down. It happens. It’s just that now I feel like I don’t even get the invitations in the first place. I’ll go on Instagram and see them out at a bar on Friday night while I’m sitting home with the cat and the boyfriend watching Silicon Valley. I want to go out!
  3. When I do get invited out, I get treated like the house mom. When we go out now, I’m always the one who has to intervene to stop the advances of some creeper on my friend. I don’t mind, but it would be nice to not be the only one who has to help out. I also get spoken for a lot. When guys come over to talk to us, one of my friends will inevitably blurt out, “She’s in a relationship.” Am I no longer allowed to talk to someone of the opposite sex?
  4. I get asked about serious life plans. Does being in a long-term relationship make you an adult? I mean, in high school it definitely didn’t, but what about when you’re in your 20s? Suddenly, I’m being asked these life questions that I definitely don’t want to think about. If someone asks me where I want to be in five years again, I am going to scream! I don’t know!
  5. My friends always want me to set them up with one of my boyfriend’s friends. I get it. I probably would want this too if I was them, but it gets awkward after a while. I also don’t like the responsibility of playing matchmaker. Even more than that, I would hate for it to end in a bad breakup where my boyfriend and I have to pick sides.
  6. They assume I tell my boyfriend everything. Honestly, I think I’m the person who can best keep a secret in our friend group. I always keep things to myself and am quieter by nature. I’ve never spilled a friend’s secret before, ever. Now when my friends tell me something important or personal, they frequently start with, “Don’t tell your boyfriend, but…” Obviously my boyfriend and I talk about a lot, but it hurts that they think I’d ever share something personal.
  7. They assume I’m now obsessed with getting engaged. I think it’s silly to believe that just because a couple has been dating for a few years, they should be getting engaged any time now. We’re still young and I’m not in any rush. Also, marriage is for LIFE. That stuff is intense! I’m not ready for that yet. It freaks me out when my friends keep asking me about it no matter how many times I say we aren’t there yet.
  8. They think I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be single. Whenever one of my friends complains about being single, someone will say that I’m so lucky or that I don’t know what it’s like. Um, I spent the first 20+ years of my life essentially single. If anyone is an expert on being single, it’s me. Getting into a serious relationship didn’t erase all of the insecurities and feelings I had when I was single. Single may not be my current relationship status, but I can definitely empathize considering I’ve been there before plenty of times.
  9. Any relationship problems I have are quickly dismissed. Since we’ve been dating for a while now, my friends don’t take arguments with my boyfriend seriously. Any concerns I have are quickly brushed off, and I’m told everything is “fine.” They’re probably right that things will blow over, but it still would be nice to get a chance to vent a little bit and have my feelings validated.
  10. In the end, I still couldn’t ask for better friends. I’ve known most of my closest friends since middle school. Although there have been some slight changes now that I’m in a serious relationship, they are still always there for me. I’m so lucky to have them in my life, and don’t know what I would do without them!
Victoria Hill is a freelance writer in Boston. Originally from Florida, she is slowly becoming accustomed to Boston winters. She loves writing, coffee, and actually experiencing seasons!