They say sex makes everything more complicated but that’s not always true. In fact, I took the “benefits” out of my friends with benefits relationship and not only did our friendship feel forced but we also became WAY more sexually attracted to each other, which seemed counter-productive. The whole thing totally blew up in my face.
We Never Really Had “The Talk.” We both decided to stop having sex because we wanted to find more serious relationships. The problem is that we didn’t have a game plan on how we were going to make that transition. To be fair, neither of us thought it would be difficult. Taking sex out of the equation should’ve made things easier, right? Unfortunately not.
The sexual tension was really uncomfortable. I mean, it always is but it’s even more so when you’ve actually had sex with the person sitting next to you. I knew how amazing he was in bed and I couldn’t pretend like I didn’t. Spending time with him felt like torture, and not the kinky kind.
We didn’t know where the line was. We were never really friends; our relationship was always more sexual than platonic. Taking the “benefits” part out just made it weird because we didn’t know how to act in front of one another. Could we share dirty jokes? Talk about the people we’re currently sleeping with? Or were we just supposed to pretend like nothing ever happened between us?
His mere presence constantly turned me on. Even when we were in a crowded room and he was standing on the opposite side, I could feel his touch, hear his moans, and taste him in my mouth. There were times I had to legit excuse myself from the room just to avoid going into heat.
We Fought All The Time. We’d constantly get into fights, whether it was because I was unhappy with something he said or him getting annoyed by me constantly asking “should we be doing this?” We fought more than I ever did with boyfriends and platonic friends. Our sexless relationship quickly turned toxic.
I Didn’t Like Seeing Him Date Other People. I hated every single girl he dated and it wasn’t because I thought they were mean, horrible people. They were probably gems—I never really gave them a chance, to be honest. I just hated them and it was only because seeing him happy with someone who wasn’t me made me weirdly jealous and uncomfortable.
I Didn’t Understand My Feelings. Yes, his relationships made me jealous but let me be clear—I didn’t want to be with him in a romantic, exclusive way. This was partly because I knew too much about him to ever trust him to be faithful to me and partly because I didn’t like him in that way. At the same time, I liked him a lot. It was weird and complicated. I didn’t 100% understand my feelings for him and that made things messier.
We Kept Falling Backwards. It wasn’t easy to remain strictly platonic with him, which is why we had several accidental “moments.” There was too much history with us. One minute we’d be hanging out and the next we’d be laughing at an inside joke from two years ago and BOOM—sex.
It Made Everyone Around Us Feel Weird. His girlfriends didn’t want me around and my sort-of-kind-of boyfriends weren’t too crazy about him either. I couldn’t blame them! Our relationship was unconventional and I’m sure it was obvious to anyone who paid enough attention to us that we had slept together.
We Had To Be Careful Around Each Other. We had to be careful around each other—at least that’s how it felt. Having to constantly pay attention to what I said and did was a lot of work. Real friends shouldn’t have to second-guess their actions when they’re together. In order to not piss one another off or make even more mistakes, we had to pay attention to every word we said and every move we made. It was exhausting!
I Never Knew What To Call Him. Introducing him to people felt like a chore. I didn’t know what to call him. My friend? Not really! A guy I slept with for a year and was now trying to be platonic friends with? Exactly! But I couldn’t say that without providing additional details, which wasn’t something I wanted to do with most of the world.
The Past Can’t Be Undone. No matter how hard we tried to forget the past, it still existed. Once we had that intimate relationship, that was that. There was no going back and we should’ve known that. A part of me thinks the only reason we tried to hold on to one another was that we both liked having a backup plan. Just in case we never found anyone, we’d have each other. I’m fully aware that wasn’t a healthy ideology but such is life.
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