Author Dorothy Allison said it best: “Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.” It’s in our nature to lie whether we do it to gain something good or avoid something unpleasant but unfortunately, even the tiniest fibs can have dire consequences in the future. While not all of them are dealbreakers, some can be bad news when it comes to your relationship’s long-term prospects.
- Little white lies can easily become big ones. Not to sound too dramatic, but like any bad behavior, the more you do it, the more comfortable you become doing it until you feel no moral qualms about it at all. In fact, a study performed by researchers from University College London and Duke University, it was discovered that the more often a group of people lied, especially to benefit themselves, the less their brain showed an emotional response, indicating that they were becoming morally desensitized. In other words, little white lies can easily spiral out of control.
- Lies by omission are still lies. Often people believe that telling these little white lies is socially acceptable and a way to make maintaining social relationships easier. As a result, being honest is seen as antisocial and rude. We welcome lies when they help keep the peace, but these untruths can have several consequences: anxiety, guilt, depression, heartburn, insomnia, panic attacks, isolation, resentfulness, loss of intimacy and distance in a relationship.
- Lying to spare someone’s feelings will only hurt more when the other person discovers the truth. Lying in order to avoid hurting someone’s feelings—telling them they look nice in an outfit that’s not flattering, insisting you like something that you truly don’t—is seen as somewhat more acceptable because it’s often well-intentioned. While the intentions may be noble, hiding your real feelings about certain habits your partner can have will only lead to growing resentment until somebody explodes often about an unrelated issue.
- Lying about money can literally tear relationships apart. Money may not be the root of happiness, but it’s extremely important when it comes to survival. Relationship and dating expert April Masini warns that “[it] may seem like a little lie to fall to disclose a student loan or the real mortgage amount you owe, but when you’re seriously involved with a partner, this affects them and their finances.” Instead of isolating yourselves by lying about money, the better alternative is to face the issue together.
- Lying about shared interests will backfire in the long run. Having similar interests is great in a relationship, but when one person is constantly being forced to do things they don’t actually like, it too can lead to feelings of resentment, which is lethal to any relationship.
- Lying about life goals and long-term ideals is a recipe for disaster. Obviously, you probably won’t be discussing marriage and children on the first date, but it’s definitely a discussion you need to have down the road. Even if you’re not sure about either, you need to voice your concerns because the more attached you two get to each other, the harder it will be when you guys discover that your life paths diverge.
- Lying about your sexual pleasure is a huge no-no. We all know how fragile the male ego is, so it’s common for women to pretend to enjoy their experiences in the bedroom more than they actually do. But, as with other lies, this can make you bitter and dissatisfied and may lead to one of you seeking pleasure elsewhere. It also places limits on the relationship. You’ll have a better chance if you just tell each other what you like in bed no matter how uncomfortable that may be. Suck it up. If you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.
- Lying to protect his ego is unnecessary and dangerous. Whether it be lying about his IQ or his “shoe size,” men and their fragile egos are known to exaggerate. This is normal in the beginning of the relationship when he’s trying to impress his date, but as trust builds and he begins to be comfortable with you, these types of lies should stop. However, if they continue into the later stages, you need to watch out because if he can’t be honest about his failures then he may make it a habit of blaming others for his mistakes, which is just unhealthy all around.
- Lying about being “busy” or not having time for each other is a major red flag. These are the lies that are just so sickening and pathetic. It literally takes a minute to send a text or make a phone call. If you go days or weeks where he never calls, it’s because he doesn’t care. Somebody who’s legitimately interested in you wants to hear from you and be with you like all the time; even their body chemistry pushes them to you. So, if he ain’t got time for you, then don’t let him waste yours.
- Lying about talking to his ex could lead to cheating. I’m a big believer that no one should dictate who someone can and can’t talk to. It’s okay to have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex, but don’t lie about them. That just invokes suspicion, doubts, resentfulness, and anger. It’s also about having respect for your partner. If your guy is lying about this, he’s either trying to avoid a fight or something’s up. Either way, it’s definitely no good.