I Gave the Guy Who Ghosted Me a Second Chance & I Don’t Regret It

I Gave the Guy Who Ghosted Me a Second Chance & I Don’t Regret It ©iStock/PeopleImages

Way too many guys are guilty of ghosting, but what happens when one of them comes back? If any of my friends would have told me a year ago that I would be in a serious, committed relationship with the guy who ghosted me, I would have laughed in their face. That’s right. I took back the non-committal, flaky, somewhat selfish guy who ghosted me — here’s why it was the right decision:

  1. I knew he was truly ready. He came back.  Though I was hesitant at first, I realized that him making the first step after ghosting me was a huge step — not just toward rebuilding our friendship/relationship, but for him as a person. He recognized how his actions affected other people and owned it.
  2. We learned how to communicate. Men tend to find hardcore communication uncomfortable and avoid doing it at all costs. But suddenly, he wanted to talk about things — what he was feeling, why he ghosted me, how poorly he treated me, what he wanted for us. He knew that was the only way to clear the air and to show he really wanted to make things work with us. We started to communicate in a way that worked for us, addressing things in the moment and refusing to be afraid of how we feel, good or bad.
  3. I wasn’t afraid to hide my feelings. Before, I was constantly afraid I was going to say or do the wrong thing. I didn’t want to come on too strong or too desperate, so I just bottled up all my excitement and my feelings for him. Now, I’m not afraid to say how I feel or what I want out of our relationship. I knew I deserved more before, but now I’m not afraid to say it. I feel safe with him, whereas I really didn’t before.
  4. I am more myself. By hiding my feelings, I was hiding myself. A huge part of who I am is how I feel about the things going on in my life — people, places, him — and when I can’t express that. I’m not being genuine. Now, I feel more comfortable around him and know he is accepting me for me. I have finally let go and let him in.
  5. I learned true forgiveness. It’s one of the most difficult things to master. We preach to others to forgive, yet when it comes to our own lives, it’s so hard to put that into practice. How can you forgive someone who broke your heart and walked away? There is no black and white answer. I followed my gut and I forgave him, but with forgiveness comes letting go. I couldn’t hold this over his head or allow our past to effect our future. I couldn’t put up the wall to protect myself. I had to let go and give in.
  6. Both of us became more vulnerable. It’s easy to build a wall up around your heart after being ghosted by someone. When we first got back together, I was on cloud nine. Then reality sunk in — I’m back in relationship with someone who broke my heart. Oh, damn! Instead of running away in fear of getting hurt, we both kind of dived in. We helped each other and gradually opened up. He started doing little things like telling me how his day was or asking for help with things he had been too proud about before. We both knew in order to make this work (this time), we needed to grow together and let each other in.
  7. It was like we first met. We were more open with each other and the walls finally came down. Before, we were both afraid in different ways — I was afraid to lose him by saying the wrong thing and he was afraid to let someone in only to lose them. We have both let that go. We aren’t perfect, but we can strive have a relationship that is greater than the sum of its parts — to have a relationship that is full of imperfections but perfect in its on way. Now, we really, truly enjoy each other. No walls, no casual conversations. Who we really are individually is making us better as a couple.
  8. The greatest rewards are worth the risk. It is like a first date all over again. I still get butterflies when I see him and love waking up to his face. The honeymoon period is sooooo over, but that butterfly feeling is still there. For some strange reason, I always knew (even when he ghosted me) that our story wasn’t over. I followed my gut. Being ghosted is more than just a missed phone call or an ignored text. It left me feeling undesirable and made me question whether I was lovable or not. But with time, I have realized that great things are worth the risk and that even the worst experiences can turn into the greatest reward.
Born and Raised in Las Vegas. Currently live in Lala Land (aka Hollywood). BA in English. I live at the beach any chance I get. Obsessions/loves include paddle boarding, laughing , Sunday brunches & relationship horror stories. Searching for answers one horror story at a time, while trying to find love and a little laughter.