How To Get Closure When Your Ex Refuses To Give It To You

Going through a breakup is never easy. Whether it was a mutual decision or the result of a painful betrayal by your partner, moving on with your life is a difficult and long process, especially when your ex refuses to help you out. If he refuses to give you closure, here’s how to get it anyway.

  1. Realize you can’t change him. You might try to remind yourself of all the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place, back when you couldn’t see all his flaws that are so obvious now. However, if he doesn’t want to act like a mature adult or be a good partner, it’s not your job to try and change him. If he wants to change, he will, but you’ll be long gone.
  2. Put your feelings in a letter you will never send. Sometimes when your feelings become overwhelming, the best thing to do is to write them down. Whether it’s in an email you’ll never send or a letter that you’ll keep in a drawer or even burn, you need to get it out. When you do, you’ll realize how much lighter you feel.
  3. Understand it’s not about youYou have to realize that he’s the one who needs to work things out, not you. If he betrayed you, treated you like trash, or just generally failed to be a good partner, that’s not a reflection on your self-worth. That’s his issue and only he can fix it.
  4. Be aware of your worth. A breakup can be soul-destroying, causing you to start doubting yourself and questioning your worth. Be aware that a breakup doesn’t mean you’re less of a person. Use your experience to grow into an even stronger woman and realize you’re amazing. This is not the first guy you’ve loved and he won’t be the last. Value yourself—others will follow suit.
  5. Don’t blame yourself. When you don’t understand what went wrong, sometimes a natural reaction is to start blaming yourself for all the things you supposedly did wrong. Maybe you did mess up here and there—you’re only human, after all—but you have to realize that some things just happen and there’s no use beating yourself up over it. Learn from your mistakes and vow not to make the same ones again.
  6. Don’t be afraid to meet other people. Put yourself out there! There are plenty of good eggs in the world. Usually after a painful breakup, you can’t even bear the sight of men, but don’t lump them all together. Of course you need some time by yourself, but eventually, the only way to get over it is to allow yourself to meet other people and have fun. It’s about learning to open your heart again.
  7. Don’t give in to his games. If your ex can’t or won’t give you closure, he might not know what he wants. While you’re already trying to preserve yourself and look toward the future, you can’t let his doubts affect you. Maybe he’ll try to come back to you and remind you of some of the good memories, but you need to be strong enough not to get involved. The best thing you can do is block him on all forms of social media and do your best to never look back.
  8. Practice self-care. Sometimes changing your outside can help you feel better about all that’s going on inside. Get a new haircut, buy those shoes that you always wanted, or go get a massage. It’s been proven that when you indulge and treat yourself to some serious self-care, whatever that means, your mental health will significantly improve. You might not be taking care of the core of the issue by getting your nails done, but it’s an important first step in your recovery.
  9. Accept the situation for what it is. The hardest thing to do in the end is to accept the situation for what it is, but being in denial will only cause you more harm. Accept the situation and look ahead with a positive attitude without any regrets for the things you wish you had done. Most importantly, don’t doubt yourself. You’re an amazing woman with a wonderful heart. That will get you everywhere in life.