Dating is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes when I meet someone, I get super excited about all the possibilities only to be left upset and disappointed when it doesn’t work out. It’s okay to get excited, but I need to stop getting so carried away with it. Maybe if I can temper my enthusiasm, dating will be less of a nightmare.
- I think everyone is “The One.” When I’m going about my dating life, I start to question if every single person I meet is “The One.” I obsess about finding that single person who’s going to be IT for me. This means I get my hopes up when I meet someone and I start thinking about our future life together — you know, the one I made up. In reality, it takes time to get to know someone and figure out if I could envision spending my life with them, so I need to slow down.
- I just want to be done dating. Part of the reason I get my hopes up so quickly is that I really want to be finished with dating. It’s the inevitable part of trying to find a partner and I’d really like to just fast forward through it. Whenever I meet someone new, I cross my fingers that they’re the one who will end me having to date.
- All I want is a nice relationship. I know that relationships need to unfold naturally, but I want to know right away if I’m going to be in a relationship with someone or not. I just want to rush into something lovely and long-term, but instead, I have to be patient enough to let things happen at the speed they’re supposed to. It definitely makes it hard to stay present when I’m meeting someone.
- I have a history of moving too quickly. I used to step on the accelerator immediately upon starting to see someone. I’d speed through the early stages, jump right into bed, and hope that I solidified our future together. Although this is my past, I no longer act this way. I try to slow things way down to a reasonable pace, but naturally, I still get antsy wondering what’s going to happen between us.
- I’m getting better at not projecting onto the person. I used to meet someone and instead of enjoying my time with them, I’d project all my fantasies onto them. I’d see them as the person I wanted them to be and I’d miss the human standing right in front of me. Now I’m definitely getting better at seeing the person for who they are rather than just seeing all of the fantasies I have.
- I’m trying to keep it in the day. The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is to take relationships one day at a time. This means I literally take every single date step by step. I ask myself in between dates if I’d like to see the person again and I leave it at that. In this way, I can keep my focus on what’s truly happening rather than over thinking about the unfolding of the future.
- We show our best selves in the beginning. Naturally, both my date and I show our best selves in early days. We’re on our best behavior and our flaws haven’t made an appearance yet. Sometimes I can get carried away with desire as a result of this. I think that someone is just the greatest person ever and they’re definitely the one for me when really I don’t know half of what there is to know about them just yet.
- I forget that most people aren’t going to be compatible with me. The harsh reality in dating is that there are way more people who I’m incompatible with than there are that I mesh with. Sometimes I can take it really hard when I’m dating someone and it doesn’t work out, but I have to remember that it’s par for the course. It’ll keep not working out until I find someone where it finally does work out.
- Dating is a roller coaster ride of emotion. I’m always brought on a roller coaster ride of emotion no matter what the outcome is. My hope and excitement go way through the roof, then I’m disappointed, and sometimes I’m excited again. Then I do it all over again with a new flame. I’m definitely dragged all over the place by my emotions, but it’s just part of it all.
- It’s okay if I get excited, I just can’t get too carried away. Getting excited when dating is a natural part of the process. It makes total sense that I get my hopes up with someone new. This is all okay except when I let my hopes go sky high. Then I’m left totally crashing and burning. This happens when I fantasize about someone before I know them and I try to predict the future. I just have to stay in the moment, then some excitement is okay.
