I never meet guys I like, so when it actually happens, I tend to move way too fast. It’s definitely a problem. I’m so tired of waiting for someone great that I do everything wrong. I want to cut it out, but I don’t know if I can! These are a few of the unhealthy patterns I need to break, stat:
- It takes me so long to find someone that I like, I get overly excited when I do. I’m an impatient person, but I’m also very particular about who I date. I get so excited to finally meet someone I like who likes me back that I jump in headfirst and ignore any signs of trouble. I don’t get to know him enough before I get attached to him — I do it all backwards.
- I’m independent, but suddenly I want to see him all the time. It’s fun in the beginning when I have butterflies and I’m all excited. I’m so in love with that feeling that I want to have it all the time, so I get fixated. Instead of continuing to focus on my own life and goals, I get wrapped up in everything to do with him. Eventually that leads to a bad pattern of co-dependency and ruins the relationship.
- I’m constantly distracted by thoughts of him. Even if I’m not spending all my time with the guy, I’m thinking about him. I can’t focus on what I need to do, and I’m fidgety as hell. If I’m not talking to him, I’m daydreaming about spending time with him. It’s like my brain is addicted to love and can’t get enough, and I don’t know how to shake that.
- My sex drive takes over and I get obsessed. Whether we’re having sex or not, my libido goes into mad overdrive. It’s ridiculous. I’m always highly sexual, but sometimes when I’m not seeing anyone, I forget about it. It’s like that part of me goes into hibernation. As soon as I kiss someone I’m really attracted to, game over. All I can think about all day long is sex until we have it, and then all I can think about all day long is having it again.
- I want to be in constant communication. I’m always on my phone anyway. I talk to my friends and family all day. I have a bad habit of having to multitask all the time, which I know I need to break away from, but when I like a new guy, I want to talk to him constantly. We’re still getting to know each other, and I’m fascinated by everything about him. I talk to him over text way too much, especially when neither of us have a lot of time to actually see each other.
- I build an image in my head of who he is before I actually get to know him. I like to make up stories in my head — I’ve always been a daydreamer. It’s great for my creativity, but really bad for budding relationships. Instead of really paying attention and getting to the heart of who a man is, I decide what I think he is and then overlook all signs to the contrary.
- I ignore the red flags that pop up. I get enamored with this ideal person I’ve constructed for myself and then pretend I don’t see the problems that might keep my dreams from becoming reality. I can’t even say how many times I’ve tried to make a relationship work when it simply didn’t. Everything that I secretly know is an issue in the beginning always comes up later.
- I avoid talking about the big serious stuff. I do have some deal-breakers, just like everyone else. But when I get all gooey over a dude, I tend to delay talking about the things that matter until I’m already attached and don’t want to let him go. I’ve gotten myself into so many painful situations because I do this, but I feel myself tending towards it again every single time. I’ve dated guys who smoked when I absolutely hate smoking and men who wanted children, which I do not. Obviously it never worked out in the end.
- I accidentally prioritize him over my friends and family. I always swear I’m not going to do it. I hate it when my friends do it. I hate myself for it. I do it anyway, and I can’t help it. I do my darndest, but I only have so much time and energy. I want to be around him because he makes me happy, but then I feel guilty because I miss my friends and I know they want to see me too.