How To Get Over A Guy Who Was Never Yours To Begin With

He was never actually your boyfriend, so why the hell is it so hard to get over him? You know you need to move on and focus your attention on basically anything but him, but it feels all but impossible. Here’s how to get over a guy you were never with in the first place:

  1. Face the truth. He was never yours to begin with. This means that the feeling that blossoms in your chest every time you see him is one that’s part deluded, part hopeful and fully hurtful. The only way to keep your sanity and your heart intact is to own up to facts. He’s not yours and he never will be. Remind yourself of that every time you see him, no matter how much it hurts.
  2. You don’t know him. Someone who was never yours is someone you don’t fully know. Remember that the guy who exists in your head is not the guy who exists in real life. You may be friends, but you don’t know what he’s like as a boyfriend. That’s something you can’t find out until you’ve had the experience. The idealized version you have of him isn’t the full story.
  3. You deserve better. Remind yourself that you deserve better. At the very least, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. For whatever reasons, this guy wasn’t available for that. You deserve more than pining and hanging on to someone’s every word.
  4. Choose to move on. This is the hardest part. Making the choice to let it go doesn’t happen just once. It happens over and over again. Each time you’re tempted to nurse that crush just a little longer, you have to chose to end it again. It doesn’t matter if you backslide into it for a day or two. You just have to chose to stop letting yourself dwell on what can’t be.
  5. Stop communicating with him. Like, right now. Stop stalking him online, stop texting on a pretense just to talk. Don’t snapchat him. Unfollow his social media feeds or mute them. It doesn’t have to be forever, but it has to be for right now. You wouldn’t try to heal a burn on your hand by repeatedly exposing it to flames. Same rule applies.
  6. Don’t worry about being “mean.” Chances are he probably won’t even notice you’re cutting him out. If he does, it’s not a signal that he’s into you. It just means you were friends all along, and he misses that friendship. You don’t have to give him the details of your crush, though it might be tempting. Just claim being busy for a time, to give yourself the space you need.
  7. Don’t fool yourself. Remember, what you had wasn’t a real relationship. It’s okay to mourn for the potential of what it could’ve been, but right now, you’ve got to be your own drill sergeant. You can’t allow yourself to wallow, otherwise you risk starting the cycle all over again.
  8. Date other guys. Maybe you’ve been off the dating market while your feelings were growing stronger. Or you’ve been dating around, but never pursued anything because it didn’t have the same spark you felt with him. Now’s the time to throw yourself back into the fray with a vengeance. You don’t need to find “the one” right now, you just need to be experiencing what it’s like to have someone fall for you, too.
  9. Be kind to you. You need to know that it’s not your fault that you can’t be with him, and it’s not your fault that you fell for him. Just remember that what you’re doing now is the right thing. Be kind to yourself while the healing begins.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut