I turn into a ball of nerves whenever I’m on a first date and no matter how hard I try to combat my anxiety, it never seems to go away. The second date is fine — it’s just that initial meeting that gets me all riled up, and I’m starting to get concerned that it’s keeping me from attracting the guys and the relationships that I deserve.
- They don’t get to see who I really am. I feel like my nervousness creates a veil over the true me and I’m completely unable to really open up to my date. Sure, I’ve had fantasies where I’m sitting with my date cool as a cucumber, sipping my drink and speaking freely about the details of my life. The reality is that the nerves take over and any hope I had for a laid-back time goes out the window. I find it hard to really know if I like them because I’m not being myself, and I feel like it’s out of my control.
- I avoid dating because of it. If I get asked out, I’ll eventually agree, but I’d never do online dating and expose myself on purpose to the scariness that is the first date. If I didn’t have this fear of first dates, I’d probably have a boyfriend by now, but it’s not something I usually go after. It’s the same reason I don’t like rollercoasters — why would I scare myself on purpose?
- It makes me feel unworthy. The idea that I can’t even have a conversation on a first date without internally freaking out doesn’t make me feel too good about myself. After the date, I end up walking home with my head down, regretting pretty much everything I said and did. I wonder over and over again why I can’t just pull it together and act normal, but for some reason, I just can’t.
- I have trouble trusting people upon meeting them. I have a social anxiety that only relates to people I’ve never met. Kinda inconvenient when you’re single and looking to find love, wouldn’t you say? Even if a guy was initially interested in me, I still don’t trust that he really likes me. It just doesn’t compute in my brain. Once I know someone well, I can let my guard down but in a first-date situation, I’m always wary of what they must think.
- It weirds my dates out. I know they’re probably just as nervous as I am, but I can barely keep it together and I’m so sure my dates think I’m totally weird for it. I know that a symptom of anxiety is to catastrophize situations and make things seem about 10 times worse than they actually are. I know that I’m making a bad impression on my dates and there’s no way I can stop it! Ugh, it’s so frustrating.
- I was a late bloomer so this is all still new to me. I don’t totally know what I’m doing when it comes to dating and that’s mostly because I haven’t been doing it for that long. I was in a long-term relationship for most of my 20s and didn’t even start dating until I was 21. I never really had to go on first dates until now and I’m afraid that I’ll mess it up due to lack of experience.
- First dates are already so much pressure. Not only am I a chronically nervous person, but first dates are like giving a speech on national TV — at least to me. I feel like I’m performing, and maybe that’s why it makes me so nervous. It’s like I’m being judged by the other person on how well I behave or how pretty I am. It’s too much pressure!
- I’ve had a few first date experiences that were hard to get over. There’s a reason why I have this intense fear of first dates. For starters, my date left me on prom night, which made me feel like a perpetual loser. Secondly, I’ve been stood up on multiple occasions. I don’t have the best references when it comes to first dates and this directly affects my attitude and the way I behave these days.
- It all comes down to how I see myself. I know that at the end of the day, I’m the one doing this to myself. My nervousness is coming from the shame I felt about past dating experiences. I know I shouldn’t let it affect my love life, but it’s hard to shake off the bad when there are so many examples of it.
- It’s not what I’m used to as an introvert. I’m a naturally shy girl and having to put myself out there is a very scary concept. Socializing is draining for me and being on a date is a pretty intense social experience, not to mention the intense nerves running through my body. It takes me a while to come out of my shell, and I really wish that I could just fast forward to the second or third date so I can breathe.
