Get Over Yourself! 14 Signs You’re Way Too High Maintenance

You probably don’t have as much money as Kim Kardashian or the talent of Mariah Carey, but you can definitely complete with them in the diva department. You know that treating yourself is important, but can you still consider it a treat when you are indulging yourself 24/7? It’s fine to believe you deserve the best, but when your self-obsession starts affecting those around you, it’s time to reel yourself in. Here are 14 signs you’re just too high maintenance for your own good:

  1. Your products have their own carry on when you travel. And that’s just for your makeup and brushes so you can give yourself necessary touch-ups mid flight. You still have to check an entire suitcase full of lotions, perfumes, and astringents, since they don’t allow liquids on the plane.
  2. You need at least two hours to get ready for anything. This is why you wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready for work. You would rather sacrifice sleep for beauty, and who cares if you get bags from not being well rested? You have at least 8 products to combat that.
  3. You’re at least 45 minutes late to everything. Because while you say you need at least two hours to get ready, it’s really closer to three. You’ve probably changed your clothes 15 times, and at the time you should be arriving somewhere, you’re just starting to put on your makeup. It’s cool, though – you might miss half the party, but at least you made a grand entrance.
  4. You can’t go anywhere without at least 4 hours notice. Impromptu plans just really aren’t your thing. Sure, you’d like to be more spontaneous, but you’d rather be properly dressed for the occasion. Besides, even if you were dressed and ready to go, you wouldn’t want someone thinking you were sitting around waiting for an invitation.
  5. You won’t even go get the mail without full hair and makeup. Because you know that one day, you’re going to open your front door and Prince Charming is going to be walking by your house. God forbid that day is the day you didn’t take the extra 45 minutes to straighten your hair.
  6. Even those closest to you haven’t seen your bare faceYou live with your boyfriend and he still hasn’t seen your “natural” look. You go to bed with a full face and wake up before him to start reapplying.
  7. You’re under 30 and have already had “preventative surgeries”. You’ve yet to see one wrinkle on that pretty little face of yours (because you have spent thousands of dollars on top of the line moisturizers), yet you have already made Botox a part of your regular regimen. Other people think you’re mad, but you know you’re just being proactive.
  8. You won’t drink tap water under any circumstances. You know it’s not actually any better for you, but drinking something that you use to wash your dirty dishes just seems beneath you. Besides, if you were concerned about your carbon footprint, you would ditch all your aerosol cans, and we know that’s not happening.
  9. You only buy organic and “all natural” food. You know the likes of Whole Foods and Dean & Deluca are overpriced and that you can get the same stuff at the farmers’ market for much cheaper, but then you’d have to go be around, you know, actual farmers.
  10. You have your manicurist listed as an emergency contact. Because you know if you’re in a serious accident, you aren’t walking away without at least one chipped nail.
  11. Your dog wears clothes. And you believe that your dog actually enjoys wearing clothes. He doesn’t, nor does he like looking like a miniature version of you.
  12. You think the rewards of beauty outweigh the risks. When it comes to tanning and gel manicures, you know the risks associated with skin cancer, but you also think looking like a bronzed goddess is worth the risk.
  13. You’re a label whore. You thought your friend’s shirt was super cute until you found out she bought it at Target. Damn those designers throwing you off with their budget lines for Target. You wouldn’t be caught dead…
  14. You expect people to be at your beck and call. It doesn’t matter if they’re in a big meeting at work or fast asleep in the middle of the night, when you come calling, you expect everyone to answer.
Rachael is an award winning stand-up comedienne, freelance writer, and BravoTV superfan. Her Real Housewives tagline is “The only thing bigger than my boobs are my personalities.” In her spare time, she keeps busy catering to the needs of a very spoiled Siberian Husky, (Paris Hilton), cleaning the skeletons out of her closet (to make room for more shoes), and swiping left to everyone on Tinder. Follow her on twitter @therealplandd.