Whenever I’m dating someone, I go totally bonkers by overthinking everything and fixating on the person to the point that it nearly drives me crazy. I get super obsessed with them and I don’t know how to stop.
My brain constantly obsesses. I obsess about a lot of things in life, but prospective and current romantic partners really take the brunt of it. It’s like my brain is on overdrive all the time, finding whoever it can to grasp onto. It obsesses about strangers, new flings, current partners, and more. My ever-racing mind doesn’t discriminate.
When I meet someone, they become the target of my obsession. As I said, it could literally be a stranger I’m obsessing about. I fantasize about who I think they are and what I think we could be. Or, I’m dating someone and I’m obsessively thinking about them all the damn time. In this case, my obsession is affecting another person whereas my obsessing about a stranger only really affects me. No matter the situation, I’m zoomed in on whoever the person is and I can’t shake the feeling.
I have a hard time relaxing. I have no chill. It’s just a fact. I’m not able to meet someone and think about them here and there. I immediately spiral out into obsession. Every day while I’m waiting for a text, I just think about the person and obsess about when they’re going to text me. Even when they do finally text me or I text them, then I’m overthinking about whether or not they’re going to leave. It’s bananas.
I also have a hard time functioning. This obsession isn’t just annoying, it’s actually downright debilitating. It affects my ability to focus and perform at work. My brain is elsewhere so I’m always making mistakes and not paying attention. I have a hard time being present in other areas of my life too, like when I’m with my friends. My mind is just consumed with thoughts of this person.
I scare people off. Obviously, this is all not healthy or normal. I’m aware of this. A result of my madness is scaring people away. They can sense the intensity and they get freaked out, which is totally fair. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I liked them more than they liked me. I always end up feeling like I’m full of regret but I don’t know how to be any different than I am.
Others seem to be chill. I date other people who seem to be totally chill about when we text, how often we text, and how much we see each other while I’m overthinking and panicking. I envy those who can maintain a level head in dating and who don’t drive themselves crazy with obsession. I’ve definitely dated those who are normal like this.
I imagine part of my problem is having a shaky foundation. As I said, I’m not deluded, I know that this pattern needs to go. I’ve just had a hard time identifying how to get rid of it. I guess one place I’m starting is by looking within myself. Obviously, I have some unsorted baggage that needs to be taken care of. My foundation is shaky in that I don’t love myself enough to be dating.
I’m a sex and love addict. I hate to admit this to myself let alone others but I’m a sex and love addict. This means that the two are like drugs to me. Since I can’t just cut them off completely, I’m learning to moderate them, only getting healthy doses. I go to a sex and love 12-step program to help me with these issues because they got so out of hand.
I’m taking some time to be with myself. Due to the fact that I’m an obsession machine, I’ve taken some time off from dating. I’m dedicated to just being by myself for at least a few months. I think in doing this I’ll be able to grow to feel more secure and confident with myself so I’m not always seeking external validation. That’s essentially what I’m seeking when I obsess!
I’d like to learn to take it slow. In the future, I want to slow things way down. The problem with my obsessing is that I usually jump right into bed with them and spend all my time with them, only feeding the obsession. If I take things down a few notches I think I’ll be less prone to the annoying obsessive thoughts. I think it’ll help me to breathe and actually be in the present moment.
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