How To Get What You Want & Need From Sex Every Time

What’s the secret to satisfying sex? Actually, it’s not really much of a secret at all. While sometimes his performance is a little less than stellar, if you’re with someone you’re sexually compatible with, there are things you can do to ensure that you get what you want and need from your partner every time.

  1. Use your words. You can’t just throw him out there on his own and leave him at the mercy of the vagina overlords. Different women like to be touched in different ways and you can’t expect a new partner to be able to magically read your mind and then blow it every time. Even if you’ve been with the same guy for a long time, he still might need a little bit of guidance depending on the kind of day you had, the mood you’re in, etc. Don’t be afraid to speak up. This extends beyond the bedroom, as well — the more in tune you are, the more compatible you are in all facets of life.
  2. Be as responsive as possible. Matching his rhythm and knowing when to escalate things will make you an absolute boss at mashing your genitals together. Sexy, huh? Knowing what he wants and how he wants it is a huge component of sex, because his satisfaction is just as important as yours. Respond to him correctly and he’ll likely rise to the occasion, as well.
  3. Practice serious teamwork. You shouldn’t be “using” each other as a means to an end. Working together is infinitely more satisfying because you are both invested equally in an orgasm-related goal. Sure, you want an orgasm for yourself, but don’t you want him to have one too because it’s hot? He feels the same way about your satisfaction. Help him to help you. Fireworks and sexy caveman grunts will happen.
  4. Get rid of your hangups for the night. Eat healthy. Exercise. Wear a sparkly sombrero with a matching merkin. Do whatever it takes to feel completely comfortable with your body. When you give no f*cks about the lighting in the room or the position that you’re in, it’s going to be much easier to have a good time and therefore get all you want from sex. End of story.
  5. Be open with each other. This is something else that also extends beyond the bedroom. Even if something is awkward or embarrassing as hell, you should feel comfortable sharing that with your partner. When you’re comfortable sharing stuff like that, sex should be easy peasy.
  6. Be willing to try new things. Repeating the same things over and over again will get very dull eventually. If there’s a certain “route” that’s guaranteed to get you off every time, by all means, stick with that — but don’t be afraid to experiment with the detours along that route. Sexuality is a complicated thing, and you may be surprised what pushes your buttons in all the right ways.
  7. Relax. Awkward nervousness is not a good atmosphere to have in the bedroom. It might be revoltingly charming in movies, but this is real life. If you get the nervous giggles and can’t bring yourself to make eye contact with the guy, he’s probably going to think that the whole thing is some kind of sick prank. When you’re relaxed, he’ll be relaxed and you can both submit fully to the gods of perversion.
  8. Be vigilant about birth control. When you have solid, dependable birth control in place, it’ll be much easier to let go and enjoy yourself. Worrying about STDs or pregnancy will kill every hard-on in the room and make an orgasm about as obtainable as a college education free of student loans. Protect yourselves!
  9. Bang someone you actually have chemistry with. There’s going to be a huge difference between a boyfriend/fiancé/husband and some random bastard you just met an hour ago. The random guy has no idea what you like or how to respond to you. How would he? He doesn’t know you at all. Your special man friend, on the other hand… you chose this guy. For many reasons, most likely. You’re going to have a much better time with someone you’re close to than a complete stranger.
  10. Figure out what makes you tick. What turns you on? Do his fantasies get your motor running too? What does it take to get you off? If you can diddle yourself to completion faster than you can type in your Netflix password, you’re good to go. When you’re an expert at your own lady parts, it will be much easier to guide your partner along, as well.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.