Is Getting Back With Your Ex A Good Idea? 11 Signs The Answer Is A Big Fat NO

If you’re lonely or looking at your relationship through rose-tinted glasses, those are really bad reasons to take someone back. Here are 11 to bear in mind before you dial your ex’s digits.

  1. You think he’s changed. He creeps up out of the woodwork (and into your DMs) and seems like a changed man. He’s more responsible, kinder, and seems like he wasn’t joking when he said you made him want to be a better person, but wait—you’re judging him based on his messages. You never know if he’s really changed, and until you know for sure, hold off on having a romantic sequel, OK?
  2. You think he still loves you. You still have feelings for the dude (more on that later) but you don’t know if he feels the same. It’s great if you’re on the same page about your feelings for each other, but is love really enough? Take a moment and think back on all the crappy times in your relationship, all the issues that caused it to end. Can love really solve them now if it wasn’t enough back then?
  3. You’re tired of being alone. It’s yet another Saturday night on your own and quite frankly, you’re sick of it. It’s only natural to feel that way sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you should be calling up your toxic ex just because you feel like a bit of entertainment. The feeling of loneliness will pass and then you’ll be stuck with someone who doesn’t actually care about you and who makes you miserable. It’s not worth it.
  4. You think things could be different this time. It’s normal to look back on previous relationships and think, “If only X had happened, then maybe we still could’ve been together.” What a waste of valuable brain space. Things happened that way for a reason. It sounds trite but it’s true. Someday you’ll look back on how things turned out and be glad they went that way.
  5. You’re afraid of being single. Singlehood is a scary unknown if you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should scurry back to your ex. You’re better than that! Besides, a bit of uncertainty can be invigorating. It shifts your perspective and pushes you to make a change or take a chance in life. Move forward instead of backward.
  6. You don’t like quitting. You might hate that your relationship ended because you see walking away from your ex as quitting on him and the relationship, but that’s not a good reason to rekindle the romance with him. You had your reasons for walking away and they still hold water. Ask yourself: Are they more important than going back to him? If the answer’s that they’re still important, you shouldn’t be looking back on the past.
  7. You’re holding onto the good times. Remember the time you and your ex took a spontaneous road trip or the time you came up with your own cheesy song? Yeah, those were really fun times. Unfortunately, the reality is that they don’t define your relationship. If you’re going to think about the best times you shared with your ex, do yourself a favor and think about the bad times too. Maintain some perspective.
  8. You don’t think you’ll find anyone else. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you’re never going to love again, but honestly, that’s just because you haven’t moved through the breakup process yet. Once you do, things will seem very different. Give yourself and your life a chance before you go back to your ex. He’s just going to keep you stuck.
  9. You’re still in love. You still feel butterflies when you think you see him at the mall. You still daydream about him and getting him back. OK, so you have a serious case of the feels for your ex that hasn’t gone away, but that in itself doesn’t mean that you should try to get him back. Think with your head instead of your heart. Remember all the ways he broke your heart. Yeah, exactly. It’s not functioning at its peak right now so don’t follow it blindly.
  10. Your family loves him. It’s easy to let third parties cloud your thinking. Maybe your mom or sister is always asking you about your ex, or perhaps you’re always thinking about how awesome your ex’s family was and how much you miss them. That’s fine and well, but neither is a good enough reason to go back to an ex. You’re not dating each other’s family, after all! At the end of the day, only the two of you will be in the relationship.
  11. You think you can change him. This reason is often a combination of thinking he’s changed and/or that your relationship could work out “if only” you could work on him or make him see the light, get over his issues, etc. It goes without saying that it’s doomed to fail. Thinking that you need to do something to make a relationship sequel work by changing him so he can be a better boyfriend is already setting you up for disaster. Only he can change himself. Period. Don’t waste your time chasing a relationship that’s never going to happen.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.